He changed his mind. But what on earth does that even mean? Did he wake up one day and realized he wanted more? Or after all those months and years did he wake up and realize he wanted a little bit less?
He called you wild that night on the dock where you drank wine from Dixie cups and went skinny dipping in the bay. Then over time wild stopped being a good thing.
He wanted you tamed. He wanted you less-opinionated.
He had a preference for what you talked about with his family, how you wore your hair, how you dressed to hide your tattoos, and even what you drank when you went out.
You never changed your mind. Even after he broke up with you and you took back like a broken record. He was everything to you. He was the one by your side during constant disappointments. He was your rock, the one you could count on. So when he asked you to not talk politics because it wasn’t a lady’s place to care, you stopped. You stuck to a script around his friends and family as to not embarrass him. You wore your hair back in the braid even though it took three tries to get it right. You dressed in longer pants and closed-toe shoes to hide your tattoos that he didn’t like. You stuck to water and a glass of wine at the restaurant because that’s what a woman should order.
He quieted you.
But you were not born to be quiet.
Him leaving you was the best thing that could have happened. You were becoming someone you are not.
You are not a doll. You are not a 70s housewife. You are fierce. You are strong. You are imperfect in the most wonderful of ways. You deserve someone who can appreciate you without trying to hold you back.
Find someone who appreciates your impulsiveness.
With him everything had to be planned out ahead of time. A change in dinner plans usually sent him into a fit. You can’t forget that one time you surprised him with horseback riding and he made fun of the idea then asked you to not surprise him again. Find someone who picks you up on a Friday and takes you on a weekend road trip. Find someone who uses a sick day to go to the zoo with you.
Find someone who does not confuse impulsive with irresponsible.
Find someone who wants to listen to you.
You had been talking about your day on the phone for twenty minutes and he had been working on his car. You got a few occasional “Mhmm’s” but at this point you’re both aware he was not even listening. You told him that story of why you’re afraid of bridges four different times but he still wondered why you cover your eyes when he drove over one.
Find someone who listens to what you have to say.
Find someone who cares about the unimportant parts of your day. They may have never met your coworkers but knows them by name and personalities by the way you talk about them. Find someone who is interested in you because you’ve been ignored for too long.
Find someone who will dance.
I don’t say this lightly. Find someone who will grab your hand and spin you out on the dance floor even though neither of you can dance and everyone is watching. Find someone who will turn a car ride into a disco. Find someone who will have fun with you with no fear of being embarrassed. If you take nothing else away from my advice, please, find someone who will dance.
Find someone who will amplify you.
You were born to be loud. You are a blown-ear drum kind of loud and you own it. Find someone who makes you louder. Find someone who thinks it’s attractive that you care about politics and lets you talk to their friends and family about whatever is on your mind. Find someone who lets you wear your hair in tangles around your face and short dresses with bare feet to show off your tattoos. Find someone who goes beer-for-beer with you at dinner. For crying out loud, find someone worth your damn time.
You are brilliant. You are bold. You are beautiful.
You are not to be quieted.