1. No condoms? I guess we’ll just have to have anal, then.
“The other night, in response to realizing I didn’t have any condoms, this dude goes, ‘can we just have anal, then?’ I’m sitting there like, oh yeah TOTALLY guy, because unlike my vagina, my ass is immune to STIs. Come on in.”
— Maeve, 22
2. Wanna fuck…in my grandma’s bed?
“Once, a guy asked me if we could have sex in his grandparents’ bed. He said it would help him ‘get in touch with his heritage.’”
— Opal, 20
3. I’d like to taste the rainbow…out of your ass, please.
“My boyfriend recently asked if he could put a Skittle in my butt…and then eat it. When I said no, he offered to ‘compromise’ with a Dum Dum.”
— Ollie, 21
4. How’d you like to get fucked with a garden vegetable?
“A guy once asked if he could fuck me with a cucumber.”
— Ruby, 26
5. I’d like to watch you sleep, please.
“My first Tinder hookup asked me, mid-sex, if he could have a key to my apartment so he could let himself in to watch me sleep ‘next time.’ There was no next time.”
— Nicola, 23
6. Will you make me a sandwich?
“My ex once asked if I would pause sex to go make her a sandwich. I was like, bitch, I know I’m whipped…but Christ, I’m not that whipped.”
— Ray, 25
7. Can I have a snack…out of your crotch?
“I shit you not, in college, this random dude asked me if he could eat chips and guac out of my vagina.”
— Lola, 23
8. Toss my salad…literally.
“A woman I was casually dating once asked me if I’d ‘fix her salad.’ I assumed she meant ‘toss her salad,’ so I was like, yeah sure, I’m down. She proceeded to get out of bed, only to return a few minutes later with a bowl full of lettuce and vegetables and a bottle of ranch. Then she sat on the bed, cross-legged, with the bowl in her lap, holding out the dressing…as if I was supposed to know what the fuck to do next.”
— Carlos, 25
9. My nipples need some positive vibrations.
“The guy I’m currently hooking up with keeps asking me to ‘stimulate’ his nipples with my vibrator.”
— Priya, 21
10. You get off to the Wizard Of Oz, by any chance?
“Um, this fucking CREEPER once asked me, mid-blowjob, if I’d put on these sparkly red Dorothy shoes he had in his closet and braid my hair real quick while he got on his ‘favorite tin man costume.’ Yeah sure, dude, as long as it’s your favorite!”
— Nia, 25
11. You like a guy who misses his mommy?
“A one-night stand once asked if I liked guys with ‘mommy issues’ right after we’d finished having sex. I was like, ‘uh, no…not particularly,’ to which he responded, ‘well…would you mind singing me a lullaby so I can fall asleep, anyway?’”
— Isadora, 24
12. May I vajazzle you, ma’am?
“A woman once asked me if she could ‘vajazzle’ my vagina so it could be ‘more fun to go to down on.’”
— Nina, 22
13. Here’s an idea: let’s make a sex tape FOR MY EX, LOL!
“The first and only time I’ve attempted a ‘find-you-at-the-club-then-fuck-u-and-never-see-u-again’ one-night stand, the guy I picked up stopped mid-sex to ask if he could record me—‘not your face, obviously’—so he could send the video to his ex. When I said ‘fuck no,’ he proceeded to cry.”
— Jazzie, 23
14. Can I suck ur blood, please?
“When I was at boarding school, a girl I was hooking up with called me a ‘sexy vampire,’ and subsequently admitted to having a Twilight fetish…then, naturally, she requested that we do some vampire role play, and asked me if it would be OK if she ‘broke the skin’ when she bit me…”
— Tomás, 21
15. I’d like to share this moment with my boss, if you don’t mind.
“One time, a guy asked to take a picture of me while we were having sex to send to his boss, arguing that it was, like, the most normal, reasonable thing in the world. He literally picked up his phone to do it before I smacked it out of his hand (and never slept with him again).”
— Tilly, 22
16. Allow me to drug you.
“This sexy as hell dominatrix chick I was hooking up with asked me if she could blindfold me and give me ‘a pill.’ I was like…well…what kind of pill? She wouldn’t say. I almost agreed, but then I was like, chill Paul…tonight is not the night you let yourself get roofied.”
— Paul, 26
17. We shall sleep according to my compass.
“This British dude once pulled out a vintage compass and asked me if we could sleep ‘facing northeast.’ I complied.”
— Quentin, 28
18. Pierce your clit…for me, please?
“During our first hook up, friend-of-a-friend I met on Hinge asked me if I’d pierce my clit because he ‘liked the way it feels.’ Yeah, sure, guy I LITERALLY just met. It’d be my honor!”
— Eva, 21
19. Next time we have sex, I’d like you to be horse-tranquilized.
“A fucking weirdo I met on Grindr once insisted it would be super hot if I was on Klonopin the next time we hooked up, that way I’d be ‘all relaxed and we could have really smooth anal.’”
— Wade, 21
20. Wanna fuck to my childhood?
“Last week, a guy asked me if wanted him to play childhood home videos of himself while we had sex. I was like…………….um, no thanks dude, I’m all set.”
— Qi, 23
21. Do me like a teddy bear, please?
“When I was in college, a girl I’d just started hooking up with asked me to put on her Uggs and this bear suit she had in her closet. Obviously, her dream was to fuck a teddy bear.”
— Zane, 25
22. I’m bored…do you mind if I jam out…by myself?
“This girl once asked if she could play some music while we were having sex. I was like, yeah, why not? She then plugged her earbuds into her phone, and started listening to her ‘69’ playlist…….with the earbuds in.”
— Umer, 24
23. Do you mind if Marc joins…like right now?
“My ex-boyfriend and I had always planned to have a threesome with one of his friends, and one night when we were at this guy’s lake house for the weekend, my boyfriend asked me, in the middle of sex, if we could invite Marc (the friend) in. I was like, ‘um, right now?’ Before he answered, he was calling Marc into the room, and I’m lying there like, ‘wait, what??? NO, not this second, I’m not ready for this shit.’ Marc was completely weirded out. It didn’t end well.”
— Vienna, 23