1. You wear a nameplate necklace, and no, it definitely was NOT inspired by Carrie’s.
2. I can’t possibly love #mycalvins as much as you love yours.
3. “Pizza is my boyfriend, lol.” —You
4. “Fries over guys, lol.” —You
5. “I need to marry rich, and I need to marry rich fast.” —You When No One’s Listening
6. Your Instgram boasts at least one particularly avant-garde photo of a Koons balloon.
7. …Which you definitely took at Gagosian.
8. Oh, THE Gagosian? You mean your aaaaabsolute FAVORITE of all those *Chlesea galleries* you frequent?
9. You’d rather not disclose how much of your paycheck goes to Juice Press.
10. The Butcher’s Daughter is your aaaaabsolute FAVORITE brunch spot.
11. Ugh, well…either The Butcher’s Daughter or Egg (you do love Williamsburg, so it’s a toss up).
12. …You’ve been to Williamsburg once (to go to Egg).
13. …And, despite your very intimate knowledge of the subway, you defff took a cab there (and back to the Upper East Side, you dawg).
14. You *brought back* the white and green Stan Smith Adidas riiiiight after everyone *brought back* the white and green Stan Smith Adidas.
15. And you definitely own the “Kale” (Yale) sweatshirt, you filthy non-elitist.
16. Speaking of kale, you fucking breathe it.
17. You text/caption exclusively in lower case letters. Very alternative.
18. You love nothing more than a Thursday evening book reading at McNally Jackson.
19. …Followed by *a drink* at Jack’s Wife Freida, of course.
20. You’ve dropped $100+ on a very edgy manicure at Valley.
21. All of your vintage Chanel is inherited.
22. Vintage, you say? You LOVE vintage shopping. Though you never get a chance to wear any of your purchases due to their weird vintage smell.
23. …Still, you loveeeee love love Beacon’s Closet (but only go to the one in Flatiron).
24. You attended a Vampire Weekend concert more recently than you care to admit.
25. Your cartilage piercing almost gave your mother a heart attack, u devil.
26. …Your very cool arrow wrist tattoo actually gave your mother a heart attack, u psycho.
27. You almost broke the internet when you insta’d your avocado toast with a hilariously self-deprecating caption that acknowledged how #basic you are.
28. …And, therefore, you are categorically unbasic.
29. You’re dying to go to Croatia.
30. All of your office supplies are from Muji.
31. …And all of your sushi is *Of Gari.*
32. You own many crucifix necklaces, you godless fashionista, you.
33. You use a (glass) mason jar as a water bottle.
34. Your Free People clothing items are all very unique.
35. You literally can’t remember the last time you went to a movie theater that wasn’t the Angelika.
36. And, of course, you’re “a photographer.”