1. You’re thrown off guard/slightly offended every time someone calls you “short.”
2. …Even tho you blatantly are…
3. Because even if you’re wearing flats in a room full of heeled runway models, the “short” thing just doesn’t really register with you.
4. Because “height” is just a number, and “short” is just a state of mind.
5. And, ya, your life teems with #shortgirlproblems, but you’ve literally never felt critically disadvantaged by your “small” stature.
6. YOU’RE NOT “CUTE.”
7. YOU’RE NOT “ADORABLE.”
8. YOU’RE HOT AS FUCK AND EVERYONE CAN FEEL FREE TO USE NORMAL PERSON COMPLIMENTS ON U.
9. Even though you can def fit into kids’ clothes (and even though they’d save you a shitload of money), you never buy them.
10. Because you’re not a kid…you’re a grown ass girl who wears exclusively grown ass clothes.
11. …On that note, though, your new Nike Air Maxs are defff a boy’s size 7.
12. There’s truly nothing strange or shameful about climbing the shelves at grocery stores to access the good yogurt, etc.
13. …And no, you DON’T need help. Like r u kidding, sir…”I got this.”
14. You can hook up with literally anyone because height isn’t an issue and THAT, friends, is truly dope.
15. …Ugh, full disclosure though, you’re ultimately looking for a tall boy.
16. …Due to the patriarchy. AKA it’s totally socially acceptable/desirable for women to be short, but big strong MEN gotta be tall. You’re very aware of this and therefore grossed out by guys who “prefer short girls.”
17. …But like, also…tall boys are fun to climb.
18. …And it’s really not that short guys are “unattractive,” per se…they’re just like, not a practical match for u.
19. Because—as much as you hate to admit it—you do occasionally need help reaching top-shelf items.
20. But only when climbing/stool-stepping aren’t viable options. AKA when you’re drunk as fuck and will definitely break your neck if you try to reach those cookies.
21. If you’re not “tall” enough to see yourself in that mirror, no one is.
22. Omg ya, that guy should DEF pick you up like you’re a damn baby!
23. …If he wants 2 die.
24. Seriously. You hate getting picked up. It’s not fun or cute…it’s uncomfortable and weirdly infantilizing and makes you feel needlessly self-conscious about your weight and like u just don’t need that kind of stress in your life.
25. You resent the fact that you’re always the one asked to sit on someone’s lap in a packed car. Like bitch, I’m two inches shorter than you. YOU sit on MY lap.
26. …Almost as much as you resent every “tall” guy who whines about you riding shotgun cuz his legs r sooooooooooooooooo long.
27. Like omg, you’d think all cars were made for fucking dumplings. Stop bitching. We all know your legs aren’t that long and neither is ur penis lol.
28. You’re (physically) strong as fuck.
29. …Like, weirdly strong. Cuz what you lack in height, you make up for in brawn. Just the way the genetic cookie crumbles, y’all. Don’t question it.
30. Even though you’re not entirely convinced that you are, you love being #tiny.
31. Cuz #tinygirls with #tallpersonalities rule the fuckin’ world.