10 People Share Their Hilarious First Blowjob Stories

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alexandraleary

1. “It was my sophomore year of high school and I was on vacation with my family in Cancun. All my friends had gotten head already and I was really anxious and extremely wasted, so I panicked and solicited a questionably very old streetwalker. The next morning, I realized she’d stolen the family vacation camera from my back pocket. Worst part, though? I was so hammered and nervous that I didn’t even bust. She left me pants down in the middle of the alley where she’d started the job. No camera, no cum. Brutal.”

— Imran, 22

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2. “We were both 16, and he was my boyfriend at the time. My more experienced friends had given me a slew of tips—cover your teeth, incorporate your hands, look up at him while you do it. I was well-studied. The moment it started happening, though, all those hours of planning and practicing on bananas (yes, I actually practiced on bananas… and the occasional cucumber) went right out the window. I had no idea what the fuck I was doing. Then, my boyfriend started bleeding. Like, his penis literally started to bleed because I’d scratched some skin off with my teeth. Brilliant. We stayed together for a while after that and remain really good friends. He’s uncircumcised and I’m Jewish, so to this day, we refer to that night as his bris.”

— Sami, 21

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3. “The first one wasn’t that exhilarating. It was before I came out, and it was in a laundry room. I was super embarrassed because I hadn’t shaved and I thought this girl was gonna think I was dirty. Then after I came out she told everyone she knew I was gay because I didn’t have a boner when she blew me. But I was rocking a half-chub, and she fucking knows it.”

— Zach, 24

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4. “When I was in third grade, my older sister told me what a blowjob was. I was fascinated… a penis in your mouth? And you… suck on it? Like candy? Bizarre. She told me that people ‘normally’ give/receive head by 15, so naturally, I was determined to have my debut before then. I was an aggressive kid. Skip to five years later, and it’s the eve of my 15th birthday. I still hadn’t given one, but I wasn’t giving up. I IM-ed this boy from the grade above who had eyes for me and was a notorious slut. I told him to meet me the next morning at the one unisex bathroom at our school, minutes before my bio final. I got to work, and I killed it. He came in like two minutes, max. I wiped my mouth, stood up, said ‘thank you,’ and ran to my exam. When I got there, my teacher noted that I had some white stuff on my lip. You guessed it! Jizz. Jizz on my lip for my 100-year-old bio teacher to see. To this day, whenever I finish giving head, I imagine my old ass teacher giving me that mortifying heads up (ha).”

— Adrienne, 21

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5. “I got my first blowjob when I was 17 in the middle of our family living room at 6 a.m. This incredibly sexy girl had slept over at my house and she was trying to slip out early, so I walked her to the door. Then, right by our piano, she turned to me, put her hand on my dick, and slipped my boxers off. She sat on the piano stool and proceeded to suck. I was about to come when I felt something wet on my ass. It was my dog’s tongue. She’d been sitting right behind me for who knows how long, innocently watching this girl go down on me while she licked my butt. Something about it was so horrifying—Roxy, the dog I’ve had since I was a baby, weirdly involved in my first BJ—that I immediately went soft. Roxy’s never looked at me the same, I swear.”

— Marc, 20

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6. “I was 16 and I was a counselor in training at my camp. There was this guy I’d been hooking up with all summer, and it was the kind of thing where, like, we both knew it was *the night.* We went to the basement of this party cabin the counselors had rented for us, very awkwardly silent, and entered this weird room where everything was orange. Like… everything. That’s where it happened. I remember fixating on this particularly orange lava lamp while I grew genuinely afraid that I was gonna bite his dick off and/or that saliva might never return to my mouth because it felt so excruciatingly dry. Then my friend started pounding on the door. I was so rattled that I popped up and shattered the lava lamp. I don’t remember if he finished or not.”

— Kendall, 19

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7. “It was the summer after my freshman year of high school. I was 15 and she was 17, so as you can imagine, I was beyond pumped to have this hot, older girl christen my penis. My house was on a lake and we had one of those long piers that extended out into the water, and that’s where it went down—at the very edge of the pier. Hot, right? Right. Very hot. She was incredible. The finale was so intense that it knocked me of my feet… literally. As in, I came so forcefully that I fell into the lake, shorts around my ankles.”

— Marcel, 20

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8. “The first time I gave head was also the first time I kissed a guy. He was 24 and I was 18, but I lied and told him I was 21. I’d been going down on him for what felt like hours when I felt my phone buzzing in my pocket. I obviously didn’t plan on picking up, but somehow, my ass answered for me. All of the sudden, I heard my mom screaming into the phone. ‘Nick??? NICK, WHERE ARE YOU?!’ It was 3 a.m. and I hadn’t called or texted to say I’d be home late, which was really rare for me. But I was distracted, you know, by the blowjob/my first gay sex experience. Now I had to pick up. The guy listened, clearly horrified, as I anxiously explained to my mother that I’d be home in no time. When I hung up, he just quietly goes, ’21, huh?’ I was mortified. I literally said nothing as I gathered my things and fled the scene.”

— Nick, 22

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9. “All throughout high school, I took a moral stance against blowjobs. I wasn’t a prude or anything… actually, I lost my virginity at 15, which I feel is pretty young. For whatever reason, though, I found them degrading, and I just had zero interest in shoving a hairy, ugly penis down my throat. Fast forward to my freshman year in college, and my tune had totally changed. I was hooking up with this devilishly hot guy one night and decided that it was now or never. Of course, we were both totally trashed. So trashed that, immediately after he came, the guy vomited right on his floor… and then I vomited. Everywhere. Literally… everywhere. Like, his room was covered in puke. That was the first and last blowjob I ever gave.”

— Raquel, 23

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10. “I was in 8th grade and my ‘girlfriend’ (girl who’d been letting me kiss her for the past month or so) had made the very exiting promise of giving me my first blowjob one weekend my parents were gonna be away. I really set the mood—candles and shit, the whole thing. She’d yet to touch my penis—no girl had. I was so hyped. She came over and we started making out immediately. Just the thought of what was coming had gotten me harder than I’d ever been. Like… very, very hard. So hard that, when I felt her hands inching toward my dick, I came. On the spot, just like that. We were both extremely rattled. She stopped texting back, and I didn’t end up getting a BJ until a year later, when the exact same thing almost happened.”

— Jorge, 21 TC mark

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