What is a coquette? A flirt, a wink, a fool’s antidote. Many men have had much to say about the coquette; most women have not. The Coquette, the blood and flesh incarnate, the infamous and notoriously anonymous writer, is a slap in the face personified. An entity of intrigue, no one quite knows who The Coquette is, except for The Coquette herself, but what we do know is that her every utterance is invaluable (she only tweets when so elicited). Nonetheless, here’s 25 quotes from The Coquette that will give you life (prayer hands emoji x 10):
1. Go ahead and fall tits up in love. Enjoy the feeling while it lasts. Just promise me you’ll quit thinking of yourself as a contender. That mindset is poisonous.
2. Have some fucking integrity, bitch.
3. Go ahead and call me a cynic, but let’s not forget that first and foremost, Bruce Jenner is still very much a rich old white Republican from the ultimate family of loathsome celebrity whores, and as likable and charming as he may have appeared during that interview, any person who openly proclaims that he was “put on this earth” to “change the world” through nothing but his own shallow fame isn’t doing it because he’s courageous.
4. Delete your fucking Facebook.
5. …if someone treats you like a terrorist or a poor deli owner for wearing traditional dress, just remember that not only are you beautiful, but you’re also a motherfucking pirate queen, and you should feel free to take that asshole’s head.
6. The simple truth is that you are worthy of love. That goes for every last motherfucker on the planet. Whether you realize it or not is purely a matter of getting out of your own way. Seriously, don’t you get how amazing it is to be alive? One day you won’t be. In the meantime, the skin you’re in will wither and age, your personality will ebb and flow, and everything around you will be in a constant state of flux. Ultimately, none of it really matters, except for those moments of joy you carve out for yourself, and you can only experience joy when you forget all the bullshit and remember that you really do love yourself after all.
7. Don’t let anybody fuck you — spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or physically. Whether it’s religion, ideology, shame, or a penis, don’t let anyone put anything inside you without thinking about it first and then making up your own mind.
8. Say it with me now: Good dick is never worth disrespect.
9. Gentlemen, please stop assuming that the dimensions of your genitalia are in any way a direct measure of your sexual prowess. Of course size matters, but not nearly as much as porn and late night infomercials would have you believe.
10. You’re already an asshole. Don’t be a gaping one.
11. As you start forming intimate, reciprocal relationships with friends, colleagues, and potential life partners, nothing is more important than surrounding yourself with good people — not your education, not your career, not your hopes and dreams — nothing.
12. Really, I can’t stress this enough. Choosing to build your life around good people while you’re in your twenties will have a greater impact on your future happiness than anything else you ever do.
13. Stop thinking about that thing you said that time. You’re the only one who even remembers it. No one cares.
14. Acceptance and inclusion without prejudice is the minimum requirement for moral sufficiency. If you can’t fully accept that there’s nothing wrong with being homosexual, then your beliefs still represent a moral failure.
15. You’re a brat and nobody wants to put up with your bullshit.
16. Just a friendly reminder to all you single people out there that it’s perfectly okay to not have any relationship goals.
17. …the only thing worse than a bitch who thinks her pussy is lined with gold is one who thinks it’s lined with social justice.
18. Simpletons. I’m surrounded by simpletons.
19. If sex before you’re ready makes you feel gross and used, don’t do it. If a guy you’re dating gets impatient, tough shit. If he loses interest, fine. Good riddance. Dating should never be about keeping someone’s interest at the expense of your own emotional well being.
20. I’ll take problematic excellence over hegemonic mediocrity any day of the fucking week.
21. Happiness (or normality or stability — whatever you want to call it) isn’t a permanent gift granted to a select and steady few. It may be found more easily for some than others, but it’s all still just a transitory phase. Every emotional state, stable or otherwise, is impermanent. It’s all a shifting, flowing, ever-changing hot mess of pleasure and pain, neuroses and normative behavior. Happiness is fleeting, but then again, so is suffering.
22. Being kind is a matter of altruism. Being good is a matter of morality. Being nice is a matter of etiquette.
23. Our personal preferences aren’t personal. They don’t spring forth from some internal source. We absorb them from the external environment, and that environment is racist as fuck. Our concepts of beauty, masculinity, femininity, and social status — hell, the very idea of race itself — these are all just things that get poured into our developing brains during our enculturation.
24. Put some fucking effort into your life choices.