40 Small And Fool-Proof New Year’s Resolutions

New Year’s resolutions are always intimidating. Walk across the Atlantic in under three hours. Learn seven languages. Remember to do laundry in a timely manner. Fulfill your life’s potential by New Year’s day. Eat thirteen sandwiches in an hour. You see what I mean? And despite the plethora of lists we make before D-day (to some of us known as the New Year), how many of our goals do we really accomplish, how many of them are realistic? So here’s a fool-proof, non-scary and the least-bit-intimidating set of New Year’s resolutions for simply becoming a better person. The goal 2015? Just be better.
  1. Wake up to watch the sun rise, once in a blue moon.
  2. Stay awake till sunrise, once in a blue moon.
  3. Make the bed more than two times a week. Be so bold as to make the bed five days a week.
  4. File taxes ahead of or on time to avoid otherwise obligatory tweets and Facebook posts about last-minute tax filing.
  5. Make a concerted effort to have a clean set of underwear at all times.
  6. Make a concerted effort to wear clean underwear at most times.
  7. Find out what “taxes” and “filing taxes” actually means.
  8. Allow to be distracted by social media only once every hour, in five minute stretches.
  9. Don’t set exorbitant goals (see #8)
  10. Stop to take in the beauty and grace of a moment instead of pulling out phone for a photo-op.
  11. Wear matching socks, even if a fashion trend should encourage otherwise.
  12. Respond to emails within a week of receiving them.
  13. Respond to texts promptly. “Sorry, I didn’t get your message” is not a valid excuse.
  14. Make time for best friends near and far.
  15. Don’t be afraid to make new friends.
  16. When in the wrong, sing, dance or perform a magic trick that is apology-themed. Just saying “I’m sorry” is so 2014.
  17. Let the past stay in the past.
  18. Speak to parents in a calm and dignified manner, even if they are being the worst, unless you wish for them to treat you like a baby well into your 40s.
  19. But also, tell your parents you love them, regardless of whether they are the best or the worst.
  20. And also, tell those you love that you love them, every single day.
  21. Henceforth, stop making resolutions to go to the gym. Just stop it.
  22. Check bank account statements daily, not when the credit card has been declined.
  23. Pay all bills by the 5th of each month, not when the collectors come after you.
  24. Try to maintain a humble credit score.
  25. Always, always, always remember to flush the toilet in public (looking at you, people who don’t feel inclined to do this…)
  26. Jump out from behind a bush, as the phrase implicitly suggests.
  27. Read all those books you’ve “been meaning to read.”
  28. When a person talks of a book or an author you have never heard of/have no interest in, do not feel obligated to say, “I’ve been meaning to read XYZ author/book.”
  29. Eat lunch before 4pm.
  30. Eat breakfast before 4pm.
  31. Eat tamales for breakfast more frequently.
  32. Disconnect yourself from anything that requires charge – phone, laptop, computer, television – for one hour every day.
  33. Spend one hour every day re-charging. Write limericks, read an article, practice backflips, paint, stare off into space or a wall or out the window.
  34. Learn from misfortune instead of simply wallowing and forgetting.
  35. Pick one childhood pastime – jumping rope, hopscotch, video games, building Legos, napping – and do it with some regularity.
  36. Dance the duration of one song, daily.
  37. Spend time at a cafe/bar/restaurant alone without any embarrassment or fear of being judged, only happy and content.
  38. Be happy where your happiness is due.
  39. Be brave.
  40. Stop to watch more sunsets. Thought Catalog Logo Mark
image – Leanne Surfleet

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