“How about you and all your morals
in that outfit that you borrowed
make the most outta tonight
and worry bout it all tomorrow.”
Okay, respect where it’s due: this is the smoothest “cheat on your man” line in recent memory. It’s so casual, so fun.
“Shallow nigga but deep enough to have gone swimmin’.”
Do I really need to explain this one? For those not hip, he means swimming in pussy.
“The good girls went silent on me
they got a boyfriend or left for college on me.”
So-called “good” women are leaving Drizzy Drake in the dust. Why? If he’s as sweet as a lot of you say he is, he shouldn’t have to go through this.
“I’m prolly just the reason that you learned your lesson.”
The exact lesson we can only guess but it’s not hard to imagine. The lesson being don’t date a self-absorbed asshole like Drake. Don’t do it. There are so many better options out there.
“Yeah, I’m the reason why you always gettin’ faded, take a shot for me.”
Don’t get me wrong, I love this whole intro. However, the question needs to be asked: how fucked was their relationship that now she’s getting wasted with her “latest”? What did he do to her? Talk about a subtweet. @ her, Drake. @ her.
[Every line of “Marvins Room”]
What about this song is not the fuckiest thing you’ve ever heard? Whole song is Drake getting super fucked up and leaving his ex a voicemail that goes, “Fuck that nigga that you love so bad, I know you still think about the times we had… I’m just sayin’ you can do better.” I mean, yeah, same, we’ve all been there but to immortalize it in a hit song on a hit record is PEAK fuck behavior. He’s so petty he even has a soundbite of a girl saying, “Are you drunk right now?”
Plus the actual verse is almost laughable. (Okay, not really, I cry to this song regularly, but that’s because I, too, am a piece of shit.) “Bitches came over, yeah, we threw a party. I was just callin’ ‘cause they were just leavin’” — he really called his ex girl while he was fucked up with OTHER WOMEN to say, “Talk to me, please.”
[Every line of “Practice”]
Okay, first of all, how dare Drake sample Juvenile and bite the whole goddamn chorus of a hoodrat song and make it a smooth track about his rich ass booty calls. I’m so offended and so in awe at his gall. Anyway, “I can tell that you’ve been practicing. All those other men were practice.” Incredible seeing as how they’ve been “talking for so long” and are “finally” meeting “in person.” For those not hip, it sounds like Drake slid into some Twitter honeys DMs and flew her out for the sex. I gotta respect the game, but to make a whole song about it is some real fucky behavior. Also, shout out to, “You can even call me daddy, I’ll give you someone to look up to,” for being so unnecessarily vicious.
“Brand new girl
and she still growin’
Brand new titys
stitches still showin’.
And she just prayin that it heals good,
I’m bout to fuck and I’m just prayin that it feels good.”
“Girl, don’t treat me like a stranger, girl, ya know I seen ya naked.”
This line is both “LOL” and “same.”
[Every line of “Own It”]
Really, I’m just pissed about the fact that Drake made a song about how his heart belongs to some girl but it still sounds like he’s talking about pussy? Somehow? Honestly.
“How ya feel about
comin’ home with a
nigga for the night?
If ya nervous, hit the lights.
I know we only fuckin’ outta spite cuz ya man don’t
do ya right.”
Maybe this isn’t fuck boy Drake. It’s possible that this is what many scientists call “reliable side dick.” In which case, he’s a humanitarian. God bless you, Drake. God bless you.
“She just wanna smoke and fuck, I said, girl, that’s all that we do.”
Imagine hearing that from some random kid with a goofy smile at a party. Imagine how insufferable you know he is off of that snippet alone. Again, in the words of John Lennon, “Imagine.”
“Someone that’s so proud to be with me, she walk right up to her ex, look him dead in the face and say, ‘You ain’t got the juice like that.’”
To be clear, homie is so insecure that he needs his current girlfriend to walk up to her ex and say, “Drake is better.” Read the title. Fuck boy.
“I only text her, man, I never call.”
Okay, true. If he’s not calling you just to talk about your day then he really is a canine, a dog.
[Every line of “How About Now”]
It’s a three minute rant about being friendzoned. Years ago.
“She gon be upset if she keep scrollin’ to the left.”
Whatcha got on there, Drake? Nudes? Yeah, probably a ton of nudes. Maybe some sex videos various women. I mean, yeah, your girl might be upset over something like that. Glad you’re bragging about it.
I’d really like to take this opportunity to mention that “Girls Love Beyonce” should win a Grammy every single year just for existing. Thank you.
“Lemme getcho ass alone, lemme make you say my name…”