Getting over someone is one of life’s great challenges. No matter how many times you do it, it’s going to suck — even if they were horrible to you. And if they were great? Yeah, good luck. Not exactly sure if you’ve moved on yet? Allow me to shed some light.
1. You’re on good terms with their parents. Sure, you’re just being polite and going out to lunch together, but don’t tell me there isn’t a thought sitting in the back of your mind that maybe, just maybe, they’ll bring you up the next time they’re all out together. It’s totally not weird. Nope. Why would you think that?
2. You still have them blocked on social media. Can’t even stand the site of them, huh? Still stings, does it? Are you telling yourself there’s “no reason” to unblock them? Okay, fine, then why do you
3. Check their social media anyway. Once every month or so like reading the morning paper, you just kinda stumble onto their stuff and play a game of catch up. Oh, a date. A trip to Vegas. Brunch with out of town relatives. Aw, their mom still likes to wear that scarf with her hair up. It only takes a few minutes and while you can pretend it never happened, you know it did. You know and now you’re
4. Wondering what things would be like if you were still together. Like, wow, you’ve got this great new job and they seem to be doing well, too. What if you combined forces for total world domination or something? Or what if you two were still together to just lay around half naked in your new apartment? Wouldn’t that be awesome? Oooh, it’s even got hardwood just as you guys always talked about.
5. You like the same kind of dogs they do. This may seem far-fetched because dogs are awesome, I get that. But you never really cared about Boston terriers before and now? Your tail wags all over the place when you see one. Or a little chihuahua. You hated small dogs until your ex showed you how cute they can be. They’re not glorified rats anymore, oh no. They’re so cuuuute.
6. You visit their parents’ place and get super excited that their dogs still remember you. Do you know how awesome that feels?! For a second you become a full idiot and think that just because her old dogs still love you then so does she! It’s awesome! You’re also really stupid! Dogs love anything. It doesn’t even have to have a pulse.
7. Your vision goes hazy when you meet people that share their name. “Oh, nice to meet you.” Is it warm in here? What is that? The room is hot but my skin is cold. Also, my throat is dry. I can’t breathe. What’s happening?
8. You subconsciously pick up the habits of the new people they’re dating. I can smoke cigarettes, too. Yeah, look at me. Smoking. No, seriously, please, look at me. I can be whatever you want me to be, I swear.
9. Whenever their celebrity lookalike is in a movie, it becomes a “must see” for random reasons. “The cinematographer is one of the best in the business.” “They found the star of the movie working at a Jamba Juice and cast him immediately.” “I always watch sentimental tear-jerkers on Tuesdays, stop asking questions.”
10. You mistake a stranger for them almost daily. It’s always accompanied by something close to a faint. You think, “Oh, my god, is that..” Oh. No. It’s not. I’m cool. Pfff, who cares if it was anyway? Haha. I’m so okay. But then you spend the next half hour wondering what it would be like to run into them. This really just means you suddenly become conscious of how bad your outfit actually is that day.