Obsessed/ Depressed: ABC’s Scandal

Hello fellow traveler, won’t you come in? This is Obsessed/Depressed, a column that takes a manic-depressive look at the things/people/shows/music/anything that have taken a hold of my mind for better and for worse. This week I look at ABC’s Scandal, which has effectively become my raison d’être. Reader beware: it might just take over your life too.
TONY GOLDWYN, KERRY WASHINGTON
Scandal

Obsessed

If you have not yet seen Scandal I can unequivocally say you are missing out. Kerry Washington stars as the brilliant and passionate leader of a DC crisis management firm and each episode explores a case she has taken on. But the actual plot of the show does not matter – the only thing that matters is Kerry Washington. Kerry Friggin’ Washington. She is so physically attractive and perfectly dressed and coiffed and – oh-just-why-can’t-I-be-her? – that I sometimes feel embarrassed.You watch the show to watch Kerry.

Not only is Ms. Washington doing anything reason enough to watch the show (seriously she could boil water for an hour and it would be intriguing) but add to this the fact that she is overcome by a torrid relationship with a very handsome President of the US and you have effectively given your life to Scandal for next 29 episodes. Their affair is mesmerizing and full of that kind of making out where you withhold then give in, withhold then give in, then withhold then give in – on the President’s desk in the Oval Office. They are having hot, forbidden sex in electrical closets, hotel rooms, on tables, against windows, in hallways, at Camp David. This is socially acceptable porn at its best. Much like The Girl with The Dragon Tattoo, you will be allowed to talk about this prurient drama in mixed company. And oh how you will talk to your friends about the latest installment…

Beyond Kerry Washington’s beauty and her intriguing affair with the President, I’m most obsessed with Scandal because it has effectively taken the edge off my most recent break-up. Who needs a boyfriend when I can binge on 29 episodes of a pulpy and lurid saga between two of the hottest people I have ever seen? Not me! Because Scandal is available to me when when a loving relationship is not. I am done with dating and will pass the rest of my days marathoning shows on Netflix alone. All I need is an internet connection and Soul Cycle to lead a fulling life, right guys?

Depressed

I am a self-aware enough of a person to understand that the above sentiment is really depressing. Why have I spent 29 hours in one week watching a show that I only like because of the sex scenes? Couldn’t I have finally completed my long talked about screenplay in that amount of time? Or bought a trellis and started planting bougainvillaea in the hopes of creating some privacy on my patio? Right now I am totally exposed to my neighbors and fear one of them might be watching me sleep. I really need to get that trellis.

Speaking of things that really need doing – I have to stop binge watching TV shows because they are a) taking over my life and b) I lack the critical faculties necessary to draw a line between my life and the lives of fictional characters. Suddenly I think I am Kerry Washington and I’m pining for the next time I will see the President Grant. I go through this syndrome no matter the piece of fiction I consume. For example, when I read A Separate Peace in middle school I was wracked with guilt because I had jounced the limb and now Phineas would never be the same. I’m just too damn impressionable.

Binge watching Scandal has had the unintended consequence of making me actually, actually depressed because I am getting no sleep. I need to respect the fact that it’s 2AM and work is in 8 hours but my circadian sleep rhythms demand that I achieve 9 full hours of sleep to be human. Maybe the fact that I am sleep deprived has only further made me obsessed with the show since I am sort of operating in a sleepless haze and am making irrational decisions across the board.

I’m Obsessed/Depressed with Scandal. What about you? TC mark

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