I once dated a man who turned out to be a sorcerer.
I didn’t know this at first.
He appeared to be just a normal guy, the kind of guy who wore scarves in the winter and cargo shorts in the summer. He held doors open for me and believed in going Dutch for dates. He was adamant about how much he also loved the singer Stephen Malkmus and Indian lunch buffets. He was looking for something serious.
But he was a sorcerer because he had concocted a personality, one he created with the well-intentioned purpose of making me like him. He had no idea who Stephen Malkmus was until I mentioned him. He simply tolerated Indian food. Serious to him (lifelong child-free partnership) meant something entirely different from what serious meant to me (marriage, kids, etc.).
For the time we dated, he cast a spell over me. He and I had so much in common! We were on the same page!
But cracks began to show through his made-up personality over time, as was inevitable. When I discovered the extent of his lies, I felt knocked off my seat. He had lied about things as small and ridiculous as being a morning person.
You’re never going to find a woman who’s into you if you never present yourself as you actually are.
Of course we broke up. He begged me to give him a second chance, but how could I have? He’d proven himself to be a liar, and that was a quality I didn’t want in a partner, even if he was promising he’d be honest this time.
I, like other women, wanted to be with someone genuine. I liked myself enough to be myself, and I wanted the same quality in my partner.
The key to getting your princess to like you? Being you.
If you are genuine and she likes the genuine you, then you’re set up to have a a healthy relationship from the start.
You’re never going to find a woman who’s into the real you if you never present yourself as you actually are. Plus, concocting a persona takes effort, effort that would best be expended getting to know that special lady.
If you’ve seen a woman you’re interested in, here are tips you can employ to make your very best impression on her:
1. Make good eye contact.
Women who are open to chatting with you will meet your eye and smile back at you. Before you even approach a woman, catch her eye first and see if she genuinely smiles back. A genuine smile means her smile reaches her eyes, as in the area on the outer edges of her eyes crinkles.
A woman who looks away, doesn’t smile, or smiles half-heartedly is someone who may not be interested in you approaching her.
2. Stand or sit up straight.
Proper posture makes you look confident and secure, qualities that are attractive to women. It’s an easy and effortless way to improve your own appearance and how a woman sees you.
3. Skip the pick-up lines.
Don’t waste your time with clever pick-up lines. When approaching a woman out in public, a simple “hey” will suffice since, if she’s already given you some cues that she’s interested (like genuinely smiling back), a cheesy pick-up line might immediately turn her off.
Plus if you’re spending a lot of time rehearsing what you’re going to say, you might lose precious time actually speaking to her.
4. Actively listen.
Yes, a woman’s body language is important, but if you spend all of your time paying attention to what she’s doing with her body (“is that ‘closed’ or ‘open’ body language??”), you might miss the things she is actually saying to you.
Women appreciate being heard, so don’t ignore what she’s actually saying to focus on what you think her body is saying.
5. Ask her about where you are.
It’s usually best to start talking to a woman about your common interests (emphasis on the COMMON), but if you’ve only just met her, an easy conversation starter is to ask her about the place where you currently are.
If you’re in a coffee shop, bar, park, other similar location, ask her how often she comes, why she likes it in particular. Share your opinion too.
If you’ve run into her at school or in a new class, ask her about her favorite teacher or professor, her major, etc. Share yours as well.
She’ll appreciate that you care about her opinion and that you are sharing yours as well.
6. Don’t force the conversation.
If it seems like you’re carrying on the entire conversation yourself and she’s giving you only curt responses, then it’s likely you’re trying to force it.
If she was digging you, she wouldn’t make you work too hard to keep the conversation flowing.
If you are genuinely yourself and like yourself, you’ll be able to brush off her lack of interest. If she’s not into you, that’s not a poor reflection on you. It just means she can move along to make room for a woman who is actually into you.
Don’t be a sorcerer, gentlemen. You simply don’t need to! If a woman is right for you, you won’t have to mix some potions or brews to get her to pay attention to you and you alone. Be you. Like being you, and know that the right woman will come along.
This article was brought to you by PS I Love You. Relationships Now.