I have known for a large portion of my 20 years of life that I don’t want to have children. Even at a young age the notion of it seemed incredulous, unimaginable and unnecessary for me. The society that we live in glorifies the act of being a woman and having children of your own, and for that reason it has caused me to feel abnormal, inhumane and just plain weird. Over the past century our culture has evolved socially and technologically which has allowed us to gain control over our sexuality. Condoms, birth control and so on…If we have become able to prevent and postpone child rearing, why is it still questioned with an echo of confusion and dismay when we hear that a woman or a couple has decided to not have kids of their own? Furthermore, why is there this heightened feeling of shock when it’s a woman that says she doesn’t want children as opposed to a man?
After reading books on the topic of child-free/child-less by choice women and couples, I have gained a comfort and clearer understanding of my own, as well as other’s reasons for not only postponing childrearing but completely concluding that having children of their own is not a commitment that will be made.
My freedom and solitude is of high value to me.
I want to travel and be free without a wagon of kids in tow. I can’t bear the idea that I will one day have to constantly put someone else before myself regardless whatever ‘perilous’ circumstance I may personally be in. Selfish yes, but a fact nonetheless. How can I be a truly wonderful mother to someone if I genuinely despise the idea of a child being dependent on me at all costs and thus requiring me to put them before myself in every possible situation? Being a mother is a 24/7 job and ends when you die. The fact that when you grow older and your child moves out doesn’t make your responsibility of a mother eliminated. I believe that the words “till death do us part” to better apply to mothers and their children as opposed to marriages which have statistically been ending in divorce lately, not death.
Human’s have a biological instinct that urges them to reproduce and nurture.
I admit we do have this internal urge that drives us to nurture, care and help for someone weaker and more vulnerable than us, however this need can be met in a variety of ways. The simplest and “purest” manner of course would be to reproduce or adopt children, however there are an innumerable number of other ways to go about this, such as; caring for children of your siblings, cousins, friends or volunteering in your neighborhood for at risk-youth, or any youth for that matter. Parents can never get enough help from family, friends, babysitters, teachers, and so on, when it comes to raising their children. There will never be too many hands. Your help in raising a child will always be welcome, whether it be at home with your own children, with your sister’s children or with the children in your classroom. Children are literally everywhere.
It’s not eco-friendly.
The world’s population is quickly rising causing a strain to this planet and it’s resources, and since there are already a lot of people, why give birth to yet another one? I understand some countries are having fewer people being born hence the turn over rate doesn’t support the economy due to a larger number of retirees and fewer people in the work force. However, on the grand scale there are far more people being born than dying. Perhaps, instead of having governments glorifying and advertising reproduction within their nation, they should instead ease their immigration policies and treat this world as a home for all as opposed to a home solely for those within their borders. This is racism at it’s finest and a separate topic that I won’t get into.
There are undoubtedly people in this world that choose to have kids (many kids) largely because they want people of their nationality to grow in population size so their nation would live on, grow in numbers and in power. There are also people who like the idea of having kids to have someone carry the family name. I don’t mind that I won’t have a child that will contribute to the booming population of people of my nationality, in fact I couldn’t care less. In addition, I’m a female and generally children carry the father’s last name, but I must say I doubt that if I were a male that I would suddenly want to have kids just so there could be someone with my last name living on after I’m long gone.
Raising children is an investment that comes at a high price. It’s also an even further financial burden if you’re a single mother which is now quickly becoming a norm. It does help if down the road when you’re older and retired to have children to support you financially (and emotionally), however when that time comes I believe there will be alternatives. Furthermore, I wouldn’t want to have children of my own and feel that I am a financial burden for them. In my opinion, there’s no financial win-win situation.
It hinders your career.
It’s possible to maintain a career and a family, but it’s a challenge with many limitations. I don’t want to be constrained to a job solely because it revolves well around my family life and the hours I have available to me. I want to be able to change careers as I please.
Being pregnant is a labour in itself. Its a journey that lasts nine and a half months filled with ups and downs, pains and pleasures, and ends (or begins) with more labour that is irrefutably painful. I have very little pain/discomfort tolerance and this for me is unquestionably something I wouldn’t want to experience. I go through a great deal of anxiety at the mere idea of getting a vaccine. Am I weak? A wimp? Go ahead and think and say what you want, nonetheless I acknowledge this weakness in me, along with my other weaknesses and am able to conclude in what actions and choices in my life best suit me.
I do believe that people should continue having children, but for the right reasons.
Many people today have children due to society’s and our own family’s pressure to conceive and “jump on the bandwagon” simply because it’s the “right” thing to do and has been done throughout history. These scenarios are what further increase the tension, conflict and difficulty in child-rearing for parents that make this commitment half-heartedly.
Here’s some food for thought; It has been statistically proven that there is zero child abuse amongst children of lesbian couples. Lesbian couples receive far fewer pressures from society to procreate and yet many choose to and need to go to greater extents to do so.This to me can only mean that lesbian couples have children because it’s a mutual yearning and commitment that is made and that isn’t decided due to an “accident”, religion, egoistic motive or simply because one feels like “jumping on the bandwagon”. All in all, have your choices in life be a representation of what you truly want, not what you think you may want, or what others want for you.