Latest Posts

How to Be Considerate on The Internet

Being considerate can be a powerful tool in your daily and long-term struggle to not become an angry, jealous, out-of-control, earnestly depressed person who feels frustrated and cheated all the time.

Track-by-Track Review of Grizzly Bear’s Veckatimest

Seems like I mostly experience this album as “really funny.” Not sure what effect this album would have on me if I were severely depressed. Seems like an album I might feel extreme, toneless aversion toward in times of loneliness or depression.

An Account of Sharing an Ambien with a Girl I Met One Week Prior at a Party

At one point I had an erection and it seemed like we were both trying to undo my belt and unbutton my jeans. I weakly imagined what would happen if my jeans were removed and heard her say “we just met” from what seemed like an enormous distance and felt that I was asleep, or dreaming, or something, while “knowing” I was moving and therefore not asleep.

Track-by-Track Review of Neon Indian’s Psychic Chasms

Seems like this album was secretly created by a team of penises in 2074 and that they somehow accidentally created a time machine within the album, causing the album to exist in 2009, when penises hadn’t yet developed the ability to communicate and therefore couldn’t claim these songs as their own.

Top 10 Worst Fruits to Get Blowjobs From

Durians love to perform unseemlily protracted blowjobs, refusing to try any method that doesn’t last at least 89 hours, claiming that their spiked exteriors can only be pierced by the nonstop and specific—but easily learnable, reliably safe, and ultimately enjoyable—thrust of an erect penis for 89 hours.

Top 10 Humans to Imagine Making Really Loud Whale Noises

Imagine M.I.A. idly making insanely loud whale noises while jogging through a crowded park on a beautifully sunny day in April or October. Imagine Gucci Mane making attention-seekingly loud whale noises as he brusquely “storms” out of an Office Depot after a 15-minute argument with an employee about the extra costs of reformatting his external hard drive.

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