mushrooms liveblog
By Tao Lin
liveblogging being on mushrooms for the first time in ~1.5 (?) yrs
feeling aversion to the technical aspects of this
of how to do it
just discovered that this thing automatically double spaces lines which i feel aversion toward
feeling avversion to the assumption that i would like double spaced lines lol
this doesnt feel like a liveblog (or what my idea of what a liveblog is, or ‘once was,’ i’m having the desire, it seems, to convey
forgot what i was trying to convey
feel fixated on the technical aspects of liveblogging this, like just which buttons to click at what time
the ‘Save post’ button looks weird to me
feeling like this isn’t the ideal THING to be doing this with
in that i’m having to push like ‘edit’ each time i…or go through some process, that seems irrelevant to…
something i wanted to say earlier: seems clever or something of terence mckenna to have made it be that i feel unable to not think of him and his ideas any time i’m on mushrooms
feel strongly distracted by the technical aspects of this…like i said…
‘like i already said,’ i might’ve typed
was going to say i couldn’t remember if i already said the terence mckenna thing i want to say
___________
am now, i see, formatting this like i would a private gmail draft
for mat thing…
format
strong desire to come back here just to stress that ‘for mat’ was an unintentional typo
just laughed for first time since this started, this liveblog
each time i’m to update this i go thru a process of finding where it is, then clicking soemething, then remebering if im doing it within some thing i had at some point designated….
‘this is not the ideal place to put this,’ i …
just cant stop focusing on what seems like the extremely ‘beside the point’ aspect of this that is the technical …
just got lost on the computer screen tryong to get back to this screen
remember trying to convey some other things that probably are lost forever because i got lost on the wrong window or tab ort whatever
feeling … wanting to go afk
leaving cpmuter onw
_____
ok here i am im back, just got the computer brought it to me here on the bed
what has happened, in my view:
while in a place accessed by being on mushrooms
that is neither concrete reality
nor [what they are asking me if i want to join or leave toward]
i said i would have an answer by 5.5.17
but actually i think this must’ve occurred:
i said 5.5.18 and they said smoething to the effect of ‘ok go write it down on your desk on a piece of paper so you will remember officially’
and i communicated ‘seems like i am not going to do that, i’m not going to write it down, because i’m lying in bed and it seems like i do not have the energy to go do that right now etc.’ but i communicated this just by saying in effect ‘no i’m a shithead i’m not gonna write it down, so ill make it 5.5.17 a year earlier ok lol thank u for considering be btw’
and they via no response which means ‘ok’ communicated, i assume (aware that i’m assuming this and that it may not be truely what they feel), ‘ok’
____
‘thank u for considering be’ was a typo
i meant ‘thank u for considering me’
now im having some thoughts about ‘what is a typo’
is it the failure of technology to convey what i’m thinking
does it mean that ideally i would or want to exist in a year in the future when i would not have made the typo because the keys or whatever wouldve been better built
or like that i would’ve just been able to think it and have it directly be conveyed without having to tell a body to type it onto a keyboard and go thru this tumblr thing to convey it in some highly compromised form via a language of 26 units of ‘a’ ‘b’ ‘c’ etc or whatever composing ‘words’ etc
became aware of myself currently: finger on rght hand ‘tapping’ keyboard’ in a ‘waiting’ manner as i tohugbt ‘anyway’ or somethign like ‘anyway, to get to the point…’ without knowing the point
i’m just saying, currently, ‘ok 5.5.17 thank u’
____
or (continuing with the path of thinking re ‘what is a typo’ of ‘is it [this thing] or is it [this thing]’) is it an accurate communication of there being something wrong with me, given the technology available, to convey something to a degree that i would’ve have viewed what i had typed as a ‘typo’
am telling my brain to stop thinking about that for now
vaguely aware of it having reached the
____
my official statement on the situation: [‘“lol godamnit” i think maybe’ with another part of me conveying ‘fuck u’ in a tone of ‘jesus goddamnit’ to the part of me conveying ‘“lol goddamnit” i think maybe”]
____
had weird [maybe ill describe in some future thing though maybe not ‘whho the fuck cares,’ i was aware of a large part of me thinking]
____
started thinking something like ‘as we near the end of this simulated mushrooms experience’ in the voice of whatever voice it would be that i’m avoiding describing because apparently i lack the ability to describe it currently jesus
‘take 2’ i thought as i typed:
started thinking something like ‘as we near the end of this simulated mushrooms trip experience’ in a manner like what i just quoted was being said in a theme park ride at disney for like 10 year olds, acceptable for 10 year olds given ‘the culture’s’ view of mushrooms conventionally, as the ride exited some automated thing , bringing the passengers back to their lives doing other things
___
typed
now feeling the need to convey something to the effect of
‘in case i made not made it clear, via tone or other methods of indirect communication or whatever, let me say it more directly now that i don’t necessarily approve of mysel;f or anythingi do
while thinking things like ‘jesus shutup please lol seriously’
__________
earlier was vagueluy consdering tweeting soimething like ‘trying in idle desperation to find the “delete [everything]” button while answering fb msgs from strangers while on mushrooms alone in dark room’ or something w this screenshot:
typed
typed
‘~1.5’ in first line of this liveblog seems egregio;usly wrong, feel like i typed it to avoid thinking about time, something
while thinking ‘fuck u’ to the person typ
and thought something to the effect of ‘shut the fuck up’
and formatted it to blockquo;te the part after ‘typed’
and pushed ‘Save post’