TC: What did you do on 9/11?
SC: I tried to organize a Karaoke party, but that turned into a room full of drunk naked people singing & dancing to Purple Rain.
TC: What are your parents like?
SC: Over-protective Jewish mom, irresponsible asshole dad we rarely saw & a step-dad that committed suicide when I was old enough to understand what that choice was.
TC: What’s the loneliest you’ve ever felt?
SC: Right now. It’s like how everyday can be the worst day of your life. Everyday that I feel lonely is the loneliest I’ve ever felt.
TC: Have you ever had groups of elderly people attend your shows?
SC: Not that I’m aware of. I mean not in an organized group or as part of a tourist package.
TC: What’s the most awkward situation you’ve been in that has been caused by the extreme nature of your lyrics?
SC: Blacked out drunk, throwing donuts at cops.
TC: How has shyness affected your life?
SC: It’s led to a lot of depression & paranoia. It’s a massive driving force for any creativity that I’ve had. Social anxiety can benefit art in extreme ways.
TC: Which city that you’ve played in outside of America has seemed the most anti-American?
SC: I don’t know, definitely a European city that is mostly full of white people. There is often this sense of elitism practiced by white western Europeans that boils down to them feeling a sense of superiority due to the fact that they are not American, but they were born in Holland or Sweden or someplace that has it’s own disgusting history of imperialism & third-world subjugation that really set the precedent.
TC: What other jobs have you had other than barback and dishwasher?
SC: Marijuana courier, envelope stuffer. I’ve never worked at a chain restaurant or anything like that. Never did any fast-food work unless you count digging through their trash & panhandling where I was likely to get a pity burger. I don’t quite understand why the only food that people will buy for you when you’re indigent is McDonald’s…
TC: How was Costa Rica? What did you do there?
SC: I didn’t think much of Costa Rica. There were a lot of older American tourists everywhere & everything cost the same or more than things in the states. It was raining a lot, so I mostly drank myself into oblivion by myself in hotel rooms. I’m sure that there is a way to enjoy that country, but I prefer Guatemala & Southern Mexico any day.
TC: What did you do for fun or relaxation in Southern Mexico?
SC: Spanish lessons, Zapatista support & I get to see the stars at night in a non tourist environment. I don’t masturbate on playground slides as you’ve hypothesized.
TC: You said people have told you about your appearances in my books. What do they say exactly? Is there a certain kind of person who tells you these things?
SC: Usually people that aren’t normally nice to me tend to give me some kind of credit. Perhaps because it puts things into a much different perspective & it’s a way to compliment me without actually giving me a compliment about anything that I’ve actually created.
TC: What did you know about Fat Mike before you met him? Was he what you expected in person?
SC: I knew that he was in NOFX & they wrote all of those songs that sounded like NOFX. The first time I met him, he was extremely condescending. I could tell that he really didn’t like crusties. He eventually came around & although I suspect he still doesn’t like crusties, I’ve become one of the few that he deals with. He’s generous with the little free time that he has & he seems to like atheist Jews & I am one of those.
TC: Can you give an in-depth summary of when you dressed up as a cop and posted pictures of that on MySpace and a real cop tried to become friends with you on MySpace?
SC: Oh, that story is a long one & might be the main source of why the NYPD & associated agencies have targeted me & my bands to be censored. I don’t think that I could do it justice, but let’s just say that an officer was downed by my mockery.
TC: Can you give a play-by-play of when you were arrested for throwing donuts at cops?
SC: I will & can. It was & still might be wrapped up in a legal battle over decibel levels at free shows in NYC parks which would have set a precedent for the whole state & country.
TC: What are your favorite songs you’ve written?
SC: I like “Soon We’ll Be Dead,” that seemed more substantial than a lot of the fast punk & ska tunes. There are a few songs that I really like, but I’m not sure that they were recorded or arranged as well as they should or could have been.
TC: What’s your most memorable shoplifting experience?
SC: There was a transit strike in NYC several years ago & I was about to head to Central America, so I figured that all of the store security & much of the staff were stuck in the outer boroughs, so I went on a spree getting all of these necessities that would of cost a lot. When I was a teenager, I stole a Kermit the frog puppet from FAO Schwartz by wrapping his legs around mine & his arms around my waist with his fairly large head in my crotch. I did that in the bathroom though.
TC: If you could go back in time to teach yourself better shoplifting skills what would you tell yourself?
SC: Never let ANYBODY see you take anything & don’t EVER, EVER, check a bag that you want back when you shoplift…