Track-by-Track Review of Neon Indian’s Psychic Chasms

Seems like this album was secretly created by a team of penises in 2074 and that they somehow accidentally created a time machine within the album, causing the album to exist in 2009, when penises hadn’t yet developed the ability to communicate and therefore couldn’t claim these songs as their own.

1. (AM)

Sounds like a penis peeing “pretty fast” then “so fast” and powerfully that it exits the penis as multiple laser beams. Then the penis “just disappears.”

2. DEADBEAT SUMMER

Sounds like my penis is 12-inches-long.

3. LAUGHING GAS

Sounds like my penis is 3-feet-long and “won’t stop swinging back and forth.”

4. TERMINALLY CHILL

Sounds like my penis is 2-inches-long.

5. (IF I KNEW, I’D TELL YOU)

Sounds like a penis that “seems ‘laid-back'” but is actually very secretive, to the point of paranoia, about most aspects of its personal life and all aspects of its financial situation.

6. 6669 (I DON’T KNOW IF YOU KNOW)

Sounds like my penis is 30-feet-long.

7. SHOULD HAVE TAKEN ACID WITH YOU

Sounds like I cut off my penis so recently that my brain isn’t aware of anything anomalous. It is as if [moment immediately after my penis has been severed] has been extracted, put into a culture, grown like a yeast into a song.

8. MIND, DRIPS

Sounds like what most penises hear when they’re in the process of becoming erect.

9. PSYCHIC CHASMS

Sounds like my penis is made from the most sought-after metal that exists in a fantasy-themed RPG that will be released in 2016 for multiple platforms. An interesting attribute of the metal is that it “sharpens itself” continually.

10. LOCAL JOKE

Sounds like my penis has been secretly working on this song the last 3-5 years. Seems like I’ll be awoken one night by this song coming out of my penis. I’ll “listen patiently” with my eyes open in darkness then close my eyes and focus on sleep without thinking anything. A few weeks later, sitting on a bench in a park, my penis will meekly tell me it felt sad that I wasn’t more interested in its song. I won’t know what my penis is referring to at all. I’ll stare into the distance feeling calmly uncertain about how to respond. Eventually I’ll notice that an amount of time has passed where I haven’t thought anything specific.

11. EPHEMERAL ARTERY

Sounds like my penis experienced a complete mental, physical, spiritual breakdown that miraculously expressed itself as this song, garnering my penis international fame, even in the difficult South Korean market. But since it lost the ability to perceive reality in a non-arbitrary manner and is currently in a psychiatric hospital it’s unable to enjoy its new status in society.

12. 7000 (REPRISE)

Sounds like a song that once a year, every year, starting next year, will be used in the end credits of a “half-assed” short film by an NYU film-student that owns a dog named “penis.” TC mark

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  • http://twitter.com/camille_salome Camille Salome

    “sounds like” you're a little bit late on that one..

    • http://twitter.com/brownnnbear Jocelyn

      musical erectile dysfunction.

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ HBGWHEM

    waiting for a ~tuesday tweet from @neonindian saying, “@tao_lin @Thoughcatalog can you please correct the post where you claim my penis 'wrote' or 'inspired' the record. Untrue.”
    then 1 hr later he will likely tweet, “@tao_lin @thoughtcatalog Theres a Rolling Stone vid where I clearly say I wrote all of these songs 'penisless' i'd never dream of being that tacky'

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      sweet

  • sepia vajenga

    “sounds like” the “time in between phase/filter oscillations” is a ~strong-very strong factor in how long your penis would sound…

    can we just get a p4k style rating? is this article implying that the album was a 10.0? or 0.0? is sounding like a penis 'good', 'bad', 'sweet', 'nice', 'bleak', or something else?

    feel confused [about this article's existence (in general)]

  • Scribler

    This is terrible.

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol, nice

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      lol

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol, nice

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      lol

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol, nice

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      lol

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    lol, nice

    • http://twitter.com/rislynsey christopher lynsey

      You're a spam bot.

  • Sofa king

    ttaaaaoooooo brroooo

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      hi…

  • http://timothypresence.com/ Timothy Willis Sanders

    lol…nice….the genre 'peniscore' will be fully erect in 2k74, seems like

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      fully erect, sweet

      sweet…

  • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

    think this album came out of neon's ass rather than his penis although it's ok if you play all the songs at the same time.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      at the time of the first draft of this review i felt like penises created it, not necessarily his penis, and not necessarily coming out of the penises, just that penises thought of the songs and produced them and performed them

      • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

        I bet the penises only really enjoyed playing the xylophone parts
        It must be so cool to be a writer, just thinking about penises all day

  • PINA

    i fuckin hate tio lan.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      interesting 'letter switching' technique

  • Joe Martin

    seems like idk…maybe…

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      seems…uncertain…

  • http://onward-sailing.blogspot.com arnie

    lol

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      hi…

      • http://onward-sailing.blogspot.com arnie

        sup

  • Joe Martin

    seems like…idk…maybe

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      seems…uncertain…

  • Andy

    penis

  • Joe Martin

    seems like…it was worthwhile…idk

  • beachsloth

    Finally! Someone hears the penises! RT @thoughtcatalog Track-by-Track Review of @NeonIndian's “Psychic Chasms” http://bit.ly/ezMmrE

    Neon Indian love your review. Maybe you will be invited to tour with them. Here's hoping.

  • http://twitter.com/AriasOscar Oscar Arias

    Bro…

  • anonymous

    fuckin love you tao lin and your brain

  • http://twitter.com/crispinbest crispin best

    so nice. and end of #11 features 'first typo i've seen in tao lin's ~”published” writing for [length of time]'. like all xmases come at 1ce.

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Bee-Goode/100001676566533 Bee Goode

    my dog's penis is named “tao lin”

  • Danaran

    Deadbeat summer was my song of 2009. Great album.

  • http://skw.cachegallery.darktech.org/vintage-distressed-cache-track.php Cache Creek Entertainment Blog

    Vintage Distressed Cache Track…

    […] ed in 2016 for multiple platforms. An interesting attribute of the metal is that […]…

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