Top 10 Worst Fruits to Get Blowjobs From

4. PINEAPPLE

The pineapple seems to have evolved specifically to avoid having to ever give a blowjob: the harsh and cactus-y armor of the exterior, the spired and blade-like top, the caustic meat encasing the hard-fibered core. As such, most men between 15 and 60 are perpetually fixated, especially in times of financial security, on fulfilling themselves by getting blowjobs from pineapples. Those who “go for it” use 3-8 condoms and subsequently still feel unfulfilled, wanting to experience it in an “unprotected” manner—knowing, however, that they honestly don’t want to do it without at least 3 condoms because it would be too painful. That these people, at this point of reasoning, seem to both want and not want something, to no ends, is vaguely an example of the base desire of conscious beings to want to stop being conscious, as a means of fulfillment, while knowing that if they stop being conscious they won’t require fulfillment, a paradox present in all consciousness-related phenomenon after 2-4 steps of cognition.

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