Top 10 Worst Fruits to Get Blowjobs From

9. BANANA

Due to its shape and size the soft, creamy, form-fitting qualities of the banana unfortunately can’t be satisfyingly utilized for blowjobs. In late 2002 a popular thread on a Diablo II messageboard complaining about how “duping” has ruined the “high” players used to be able to feel upon finding rare/unique items digressed suddenly into a seemingly earnest discussion about the viability of masturbating using a sock that has had 2-4 banana peels sewed carefully into its interior. Someone named Kris Andinson, a 34-year-old MFA student at The New School, read the entire thread one afternoon in late 2010 with his poetry manuscript open in Microsoft Word (behind Firefox, iTunes, Photoshop, Safari, and a softcore-porn “pop-up” he wasn’t aware of until the next night) and idly screenshotted 17 sections that he viewed as “amusing” or “of sociological interest.” We don’t know—we honestly have no way of knowing—if he’ll post any of these screenshots on his Tumblr. Studies have shown there’s a 8.3% chance he’ll post one within 30 days, with that number decreasing to .04% after that initial “critical month,” but that if he does post one there’s a 16.5% chance the post will include a paragraph-long diatribe against an indiscernible targets and that, based on his follower/following ratio, among other factors, there’s a 39.2% chance he’ll garner 6 likes and 2 reblogs, making it his most popular post in 7 months.

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