Thought Catalog

Every Time I've Had Sex With Megan Boyle, Pt. 1 of ?

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Megan Boyle is the author of Everyone I’ve Had Sex With.

7 NOV 2010 | BROOKLYN, NY

We were on my bed, facing each other on our sides. I was on my left side. It was ~3:30AM. There was some moonlight through my windows. We remained like this for maybe two minutes. Seems like my eyes were closed most of the time, because I was afraid of it becoming a situation where we were openly staring at each other, unsure what to do. At some point one of us moved closer to the other, in a “scooting” manner, I think, and I put my arm around her and we hugged for a small amount of time before kissing. Prior to this we had not touched in any manner that I viewed as romantic or sexual, in ~40 hours interaction with other people and ~80 hours interaction with only each other. We had slept in the same bed together maybe five times. I had, throughout, felt committed to not initiating anything romantic or sexual, except one night—a few nights before this night—I felt that I might want to initiate something, at her apartment, but she drank most of a Four Loko with a shot of tequila ~1:30AM, I think, to make a video to put on the internet, and we had also earlier that night ingested hydrocodone, Xanax, some LSD, and a little cough syrup, I think, and she passed out “big time,” it seemed, before I was able to initiate anything (she was on her back on her bed, unconscious, it seemed, with her MacBook on her stomach and I moved her arm to untangle a cord, or something, and moved the MacBook to the floor and lay beside her and sort of “pawed” at her arm and maybe shoulder a little, then meekly held her arm and briefly touched her hand probably, then put my arm on her arm and lay on my side, sort of facing her, and closed my eyes to sleep, in part thinking it could be interpreted, if she woke, as me sort of accidentally putting my arm on her arm, not me initiating something).

After kissing maybe ~90 seconds I think I began feeling that we were probably going to have sex, in part because it seemed like neither of us would want to stop until there was nothing more that could be done, and it didn’t seem like there would be another way for there to be “nothing more that could be done” than to have sex (at this point in the relationship I think neither of us ever expressed not wanting something, if the other person wanted something, but always defaulted to whoever wanted something). After maybe five minutes my pants were off, my penis was “out,” and it seemed like I was hovering it around her vagina for a medium amount of time, kissing her and sometimes touching her vagina with my fingers, I think, from above mostly. Her eyes seemed to be closed the entire time, which I interpreted as “not a good sign” because I had read from her “Every Time I’ve Had Sex” piece that I published on Muumuu House about a year ago, after reading it on her blog maybe two years ago, that she liked sex where there was “a lot of eye contact.” I think we moved in a manner where it was implied that we passively didn’t want to use a condom, in that there were probably thousands of tiny reciprocating movements, of increasing evidence, until I put my penis into her vagina, maybe guided by her to some degree, I don’t remember, that we were both acting as we wanted to act, in terms of condoms. I had read from “Every Time I’ve Had Sex” that she didn’t seem to have a strong concern, or any concern, maybe, about not using a condom.

We had sex ~50 minutes. I remember looking at the time after we finished because it seemed like a long enough amount of time that I felt unsure and curious about what time it was. I knew the approximate time we began because she was driving back to Baltimore ~8:30AM and we had calculated how much time we could sleep. We ended with our heads on the opposite side of the bed than we began. We were both sweating. I’m 90% sure I didn’t orgasm. I think there were moments when I focused on not orgasming, due to not wanting to without first knowing her thoughts about it. I’m not sure what caused us to stop. Seems like I must have felt that she orgasmed, as I did things with my fingers, and stopped. I felt optimistic that we had sex ~50 minutes because usually the first time I have sex with someone I don’t maintain an erection more than 5 to 10 minutes, I think.

12 NOV 2010 | SOLON, OH

We were at Jordan Castro’s parent’s house, in an upstairs guest room. I think it was ~11:30PM. After maybe two minutes of sex with me on top and the blankets over us, I think, we heard someone weakly knocking on the door (or making some kind of noise outside the door) and sort of panicked a little and stopped moving. I thought something important might be happening because we were both making quiet, but probably hearable from the other side of the door, “sex noises” that seemed like they would normally stop people from wanting to interrupt. Then I think the door opened a little, someone said something, and the door closed again. We were both naked, I think. Megan put on something quickly, I think, and went to the door. It was Mallory Whitten. I don’t remember what she said to Megan.

15 NOV 2010 | SOLON, OH

We were still at Jordan Castro’s parent’s house. Everyone in the house was sleeping. It was ~1:00AM. Megan was driving me to the airport ~6:00AM, then driving herself to Baltimore for a class she had that afternoon. We decided to ingest mushrooms and not sleep and film a movie. We each drank a cup of coffee and ingested mushrooms and a little Adderall, I think, and each “pooped,” or tried to, and showered. We did things on my MacBook a little in the living room then went to the basement. We kissed ~10 minutes in the “work out” room. We went in the “game room” and sort of rolled around on the carpet and did some somersaults, then went in a room that seemed to be used for working on things and closed the door and turned off the lights. We performed oral sex on each other (I was standing, I think, when she did it to me; I think she was on her back on the carpet when I did it to her), then had sex “missionary style” for what felt like a long time.

The mushrooms, somewhat unexpectedly, seemed to eliminate almost all inhibitions, most anxiety-causing thoughts, and all or most sensations not directly related to “sexual pleasure.” I seemed to feel unaware of almost everything except “sexual pleasure,” but maybe because it seemed like that sensation had, to some degree, “spread” to other areas of my sensory perception in a “blanketing” manner. It seemed like a detached yet “intense” form of sex. I think she orgasmed at some point, maybe when I performed oral sex on her, or after that, when I was fingering her, and then we had sex “missionary style” for what seemed like a long time, until I orgasmed in her, then went upstairs quickly and showered together in the guest room’s bathroom.

18 NOV 2010 | BATON ROUGE, LA

We checked into a large-seeming Hyatt after driving ~45 minutes searching for a hotel. It was maybe ~9:30PM. We put our things down and kissed standing—her back against the “foot” of the bed—maybe five minutes while relatively slowly removing our clothes. We remained standing a few minutes while I fingered her a little and she sort of fondled or “held” my penis. We seemed to be “taking it slow” this time. She moved backward, onto the bed, and I sort of crawled in her direction in an “advancing” manner, over her, and we had sex “missionary style” maybe 5 or 10 minutes. I think I orgasmed in her, then lay on top of her for an amount of time. I don’t remember if she orgasmed. I think she probably did because I usually don’t stop doing things to her until she orgasms. We showered separately, I think, then drove somewhere to eat dinner, I think. TC mark

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    • http://twitter.com/billApomerans Bill A Pomerans

      unexpected, but interesting to read
      i liked it
      seems like the beginning of your relationship was a 'dry spell', but then you 'got your dick wet' a lot

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        hi bill

        sweet

    • Chillwave Gonzales

      “A true love story.” -Milan Kundera

    • http://twitter.com/charlesmj thom

      So you haven't had sex since you've been married?

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        'Pt. 1 of ?'

    • Brandon Gorrell

      sweet

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        sweet

    • http://lazyroar.blogspot.com/ Lazy Roar

      It's interesting/sort of humorous how your first sexual encounter was colored by what you had read in her essay.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        the spectre of 'everyone i've had sex with'…

        • http://vickyalways.blogspot.com vicky

          lol that was something i was wondering about too, as in, i would be self-conscious after reading that essay

    • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

      hehehe

      sweet…

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        hehe…

        • http://theopenend.com/ herocious

          甘い

    • http://wayindie.blogspot.com/ kelly huckaby

      i really like the title ('Pt. 1 of ?' ), it made me laugh and it felt like you were winking or something.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        hi kelly

        sweet

    • http://pulse.yahoo.com/_6I5AGZ6ZUQZPZCGMA3T265M6KU Franklin

      This is a new low in the bourgeoning field of “overshare” as creative writing.

      The title was clever, but this isn't well written nor is it interesting.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        damn

        seems like a popular comment

      • Ann

        Huge like. This is garbage.

        • Chillwave Gonzales

          Another email from Milan Kundera. He calls Tao's and Megan's love “a 21st-century explosion.”

    • RachelScotch

      I wasn't interested in you until I read this. Makes you seem more human, makes me glad to know you “bang” Megan Boyle.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        damn

        interesting

    • Rachel

      fingering is good!

    • http://twitter.com/MissKimball misskimball

      sweet
      I hope jordan castro's parents are cool with this

    • saramcgrath

      hot ass sexy ass

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        nice one

    • Junior

      couldn't help but visualize each time you had sex… feel weird imaging a serious/horny facial expression on tao, feel weird imaging megan boyle “slurping on his johnson”..

      what's next… sex tape…mdma films presents “a sex tape”…..

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        slurping, nice

    • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

      sweet

      lol re “we were both making quiet, but probably hearable from the other side of the door, “sex noises””

      based on my memory, i think mallory walked to my bedroom and said something like “did… i think… i think i just… walked in on megan and tao having sex”

      i felt interested the entire time i was reading this

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        interesting re you/mallory perspective

        interesting…

        sweet

    • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

      do you remember what you thought re “if it was my parents knocking on the door” or did you think [anything like that], seems sweet

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        i think i didn't think anything, or almost nothing

        i think i mostly focused on 'sheltering' myself under the blankets, and, like, solving the situation by 'hiding'

        also overall i felt 'secure' in knowing that megan and i weren't doing anything wrong or extra unseemly, and so felt overall 'secure' in things

        • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

          sweet

      • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

        i didn't think it was your parents, i thought it was you or mallory 'catching us' to be funny

    • http://timothypresence.com/ Timothy Willis Sanders

      lol…

    • dalas

      Can I book some time at Jordan Castro's parents' house? Seems like a chill place to bone.

      • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan
        • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

          lol

      • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

        lol…

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        i'm ~$800 in debt via HSBC $1000 credit-line thing, right now, if you want to buy a 6-month CD, around $5000, from me at rates 4x better than the leading bank, email binky.tabby [at] gmail.com

        i've done this before with ken baumann and paid him back already

    • "Annoyed" Reader

      Oh my god I hate the way you use inverted commas on everything. It's totally “lame” and adds nothing to your “depressing-ass” “writing.”

      • http://timothypresence.com/ Timothy Willis Sanders

        might make you feel less 'annoyed'…hope you feel better soon…

        https://thoughtcatalog.com/2011…/

        • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1363230138 Michael Koh

          Oh damn.

        • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

          nice

        • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

          'zing'

    • mario

      dang.

    • Hao Luo

      I swear to god it's like I'm at a high school cafeteria in here. What is this nonsense?

      • mario

        dang.

    • Matt

      I have to say I found this oddly touching.

      Should probably make a joke about Megan “oddly touching” Tao's penis, but whatever.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        hi matt

        sweet

    • bobby hill

      i like to be constructive when i make comments, but i am not sure how to say something constructive about this. first, i am not sure what this uber-stilted, self-conscious style adds to the piece. what's with the gratuitous quotation marks? and all the “we did xyz, i think.”
      i don't think it adds anything. sure, it gives this piece a distinct style–a distinctly annoying style. this piece lacks beautiful prose, and it also lacks a compelling narrative, and it also lacks any illuminating insights. so….what gives? is it a parody of recent hipstery writing (fiction and non)? if that's what it is, then it really works.

      • mario

        dang.

      • therin c. musterground

        i like ur pic

        • elsieboy

          dang.

      • saramcgrath

        hipstery

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        to me it wasn't a parody

        i feel that i arranged things in a manner that i liked

        • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

          I don't agree with the original comment. Would be interested in reading something that tries to define/explain the rationale behind, and or development of the 'MUUMUUHOUSE lit. aesthetic'. I guess written by you or Jordan Castro or Megan Boyle or BSG or someone else who seems to have a clear understanding of the form.

          Would get mad hits I reckon.

        • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

          i am writing that, i think

          i started writing that a period of time ago then stopped

          i plan on writing it though…

          i plan on trying to write that fucking shit…

        • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

          Cool. Eager for that bitch.

        • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

          i think i have written something like that somewhere before

          i feel that almost everyone has more than one style

          i wrote the title of an article called 'i have more than one writing style'

        • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

          i would like to write that too

    • andy

      gay

    • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/2011/01/20/american-idol-is-awesome/ Brian McElmurry

      This was really sweet. Vulnerable in a way. More sex and drugs! I like reading things like this. Do you enjoy weed at all? Seems safest of the drugs, but does cause anxiety more than others. Xanax with LSD seems like a good idea, to take the edge off. The mushroom sex sounds great!

      • saramcgrath

        mushroom sex

        • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

          nice one

          is that a 'ry' reference

          re 'lemon sex'

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        hi brian

        sweet…

    • Chillwave Gonzales

      Another email from Milan Kundera. He calls Tao's and Megan's love “a 21st-century explosion.”

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