An Account of Sharing an Ambien with a Girl I Met One Week Prior at a Party

We went into her room ~6:55PM. She asked if I wanted wine and I said no. She asked again and I said no. I said “I brought the Ambien.” She said something about Tiger Woods and I felt confused and said “we should see if it’s okay with alcohol.” She typed “ambient” into Google. I said “no, that’s the music, delete the t, ambient music.” She laughed and typed “ambien and alcohol and klonopin and” and grinned and said “just kidding.” She deleted all but “ambien and alcohol.” The first result said not to combine Ambien and alcohol. Every result seemed to say that. She clicked the first result. It said not to combine Ambien and alcohol. She said she drank a lot so it was okay. We each swallowed half an Ambien. She googled “ambien sex tiger woods.” She clicked dlisted.com. It said something about an “Ambien sex haze.” I said “I want to be in an Ambien sex haze.” She said we should’ve each swallowed one Ambien. We each swallowed another half an Ambien. We sat on her full-size bed that filled most of the room. She drank wine. I touched her cat.

“Some areas of my brain seemed to be thinking things in a deliberately obscured manner—to be private from other areas of my brain.”

After an unknown amount of time I felt that my eyesight was impaired and that I seemed vaguely sleepy and not nervous. I moved on the bed staring calmly at her face or the walls. I lay against pillows. I asked if she could turn off the light. She turned off the light. I felt confused, to some degree, by everything—but in a delayed manner, in that I seemed to be repeatedly realizing that I felt confused, instead of feeling directly confused. We seemed to be watching a foreign movie off her computer. At some point, with a comprehension that I wasn’t experiencing time accurately, I noticed that the light was on. I lay on my back and we weakly held each other and—between moments of silently laying against each other, unmoving and sometimes maybe asleep—kissed in an idle, inattentive manner. A mixed CD of my favorite songs, playing at a medium volume, sometimes confused me because I was unable to recognize the songs and seemed to mostly be processing it as a "vaguely annoying" noise. I felt myself occasionally waking without remembering having been asleep. I was sometimes trying to remove her clothing with what felt like extreme difficulty, as if I were removing the glass from a glass bottle by “pawing” at the glass.

At one point I had an erection and it seemed like we were both trying to undo my belt and unbutton my jeans. I weakly imagined what would happen if my jeans were removed and heard her say “we just met” from what seemed like an enormous distance and felt that I was asleep, or dreaming, or something, while "knowing" I was moving and therefore not asleep. Some areas of my brain seemed to be thinking things in a deliberately obscured manner—to be private from other areas of my brain. At one point I expressed confusion at her outfit, referencing my inability to remove any of it, and she said something like “it’s just…a skirt…tights...” and didn't move as I continued to weakly "paw" at it. At one point I felt myself "suspecting," somewhat sarcastically, that she was wearing a corset. Throughout most of this I felt unsure or unaware—because it seemed irrelevant, I think—if my eyes were open or closed and if I was thinking about anything. At some point I said something like “isn’t your friend going to be here soon, shouldn’t we get ready” and we saw it was something like 8:40PM. It felt surprisingly easy to stand from the bed. I walked out of the room feeling alert. TC mark

More From Thought Catalog

  • Jezebel Walkabout

    Ambient sex haze..

  • http://twitter.com/JosephErnest Joseph Ernest Harper

    Hope yr marriage can survive this.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      we've discussed this 'incident' and things seem fine now

      • http://www.facebook.com/dalasv Dalas Verdugo

        How do things seem?

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        fine/good

    • what

      dont understand how this can have any effect on current r/ship

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        we've discussed the 'incident' and things seem fine now

  • Jouromeo

    Amazing! The clarity of the discord is enthralling. I wanted to try ambien at the beginning only to subsequently decide that this account was more than sufficient. Talent, oozing from the diction.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      sweet

  • http://chrysler5thavenue.blogspot.com chrysler5thavenue

    What happened after you left the room?

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      stood in another room for an amount of time, then went outside, then went in a car

      • Emmett

        I'm glad you went with the ambien story first. It made me feel happy to see that.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        sweet

  • http://brianburke.tumblr.com/ brian burke

    he he

  • http://hbgwhem.tumblr.com/ HBGWHEM

    at the start of this article, i was sure i would not try ambien. now that i know it makes people hate their mix CDs, i think i will try it. through this experiment, i hope to rid myself of the continuous thought in my head that, ” 'Party in the USA' is such a good fucking song.”

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      lol

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Parker-Baldin/516709205 Parker Baldin

    seems like a 'pussy' drug. seems like you would take it 'just to get through work or school.' seems like you should 'grow a pair' and start sniffing like coke and percs together or something.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      bro…

      • http://www.facebook.com/people/Parker-Baldin/516709205 Parker Baldin

        sorry tao, your books are awesome, but ambien = lame

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        sweet

      • http://kumquatparadise.tumblr.com aaron nicholas

        lol i thought you were being funny re: “'grow a pair'” and “'pussy' drug” and all that, but i think it might be funnier now because you were serious

  • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

    lol

  • Tom Autya

    was briefly confused re: “ambien sex tiger”, then I read the next word. still wondering about the ambien sex tiger

  • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

    sweet

    feel inspired to write accounts of times on drugs now

    good job

    • Daniel C. Dennett

      That would so new and hip and novel and hip and hip. I have never heard of anyone ever doing anything like that ever–no, never. That is trailblazing inspirational stuff right there, riding in a trailblazer while writing trailblazing stuff. Man! I am so inspired by your unoriginality.

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        bro…

      • http://www.smokingonanemptystomach.blogspot.com Jordan

        i think that my comment was 'less unoriginal' than your comment

        when i wrote my comment to tao, i discerned how i felt during and after reading the piece. i thought that complimenting him would be nice, potentially causing 'good feelings' to increase within tao, people who scroll to the 'comments section,' see it, decide to read it based on the comment, read the piece and like it, the editor(s) of TC via 'more comments' and potentially 'more traffic' [based on previous scenerio], etc.

        the things i just described above have to do with people. people exist in concrete reality.

        when you focus on people and concrete reality and do things rooted in a cause and effect you've discerned to 'make people' feel good, those people will potentially feel good for an amount of time. they will identify the cause of their 'feeling good' as [thing you did] and then they will potentially do nice things for you and other people, and eventually, after a time, people will focus so much on cause and effect and other people and concrete reality, that most abstractions that cause people to feel pain or suffering will be eliminated from people's thoughts and assessments of other people.

        in your response to my comment, instead of reading the words i wrote, you thought about 'originality,' which doesn't exist. you typed a 'mean-spirited' (in my view, your comment seemed 'mean-spirited' based on the sarcasm you employed throughout) comment, with the goal of making me feel bad and yourself good, via feeling 'above' me, having expressed something you believe to be 'right,' and/or [any other thing].

        'originality,' 'rightness,' 'hipness,' these do not exist in concrete reality and have nothing to do with people or causing people to feel good.

        the extreme of this thought process, unlike mine (above), is that people begin to think about abstractions so much that they altogether forget to think about other people and base all of their thoughts, emotions and actions on things that do not really exist, and only cause themselves or a small amount of people happiness, and, inherently, other people unhappiness (due to the subjective nature of almost all abstractions).

        i also think it is more common (more 'original') for people think in terms of abstractions, and not other people, cause and effect and concrete reality (this can be 'proven,' in my view, based on things like '[# of people who vote in presidential elections]' and '[# of people who are religious]'

        this is why i think my comment is 'less unoriginal' than yours

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        lol

      • http://popserial.tumblr.com stephen

        lol

      • saramcgrath

        nice

      • beachsloth

        It is obvious how heavily you thought out your criticism. I'm so inspired by your originality. Thanks Daniel C. Dennett, you've inspired me to write my action-adventure piece about a fatally flawed piece of shit cop called Turd McFergerson.

      • Dalai Lama

        It seems like you are “attacking” somebody who was doing something nice, your comment contributes nothing but negative feelings to the world, at least it seems that way

      • Dalai Lama

        you fucking piece of shit shit-talker whore

      • saramcgrath

        lol word

      • James

        Man, I always thought Dan Dennett seemed like such a nice, thoughtful guy. Or, that he would at least be busy at Tufts teaching or writing or something. Could have sworn that Dan Dennett just didn't seem like the type of guy to be commenting derisively on Thought Catalog. Maybe shit-talking is a biological adaptation or something. Just didn't see it coming.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      sweet

    • Dr. Pepper

      When you parrot the poor grammar of others on websites like this when leaving banal comments about your 'status' or 'feelings' by removing the subject from a sentence, you change the literal meaning of what you are writing.

      “Feel inspired to write accounts of times on drugs now” sounds like you are telling the reader to feel that way, rather than expressing the way you feel, as I assume was your intention.

      Feel like you should already know this.

      • http://twitter.com/triplescience Lolly

        DAD?! What are you doing on TC?!

  • http://twitter.com/rislynsey christopher lynsey

    Great.

  • fruitbasket

    Never done Ambien but have done a lot of other sedative-hypnotics and anti-anxiolytics. This sounds like a pretty strong effect from just one pill. Not certain whether this is because you are inherently drug-sensitive / underweight, because you were inexperienced with drugs at the time, because the effects were overstated / overanalyzed here for dramatic purposes, because you were intentionally immersing yourself in the effects at the time, or because Ambien is genuinely a shitkicker.

    • http://twitter.com/rislynsey christopher lynsey

      Ambien is so dangerous and wild.

  • LDN

    sweet.

    bro…

  • Albert Camus

    you seem to have a terrific memory of specific thoughts/feelings/etc, did you write this down like immediately afterwards

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      i think i wrote it ~1-3 days after

      • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

        the first draft of it

  • Jtwuchi

    i love tao lin

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      sweet

  • http://twitter.com/avanttard Pedro S

    You should try 'parachuting' ambien #ShitsSoCash

  • inkspot

    talking about drugs is not creative, what is this erowid?

  • http://tomhankssuperfan.blogspot.com megan boyle

    2x 'pawing'…sweet…

  • http://steveroggenbuck.com steve roggenbuck

    my favorite lines that made me laugh a lot

    “We seemed to be watching a foreign movie off her computer.”
    +
    “At one point I felt myself “suspecting,” somewhat sarcastically, that she was wearing a corset.”

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      hi steve

      sweet, glad you laughed

  • http://newhandsweepstakes.com/writings/a-boner-for-like-ever-by-brian-mcelmurry/ Brian McElmurry

    Tao, I enjoyed this. I want more sex and drugs. 'At one point I had an erection…' lol

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      sweet

  • Allyr1031

    “I felt confused, to some degree, by everything—but in a delayed manner, in that I seemed to be repeatedly realizing that I felt confused, instead of feeling directly confused.”

    I know this exact feeling!

  • Fight Club

    Great article! Reminds me of the Electric Kool-Aid Acid Test..

    Ambien has a 'displaced awareness' affect. It can be really strange when combined with alcohol, etc.

    • http://heheheheheheheeheheheehehe.com/ tao

      fight club

      sweet

  • Jonny Ross

    really enjoyed this. wanted it to go on. want to read a whole book in this prose style maybe.

  • http://twitter.com/nycGtrain G Train

    Ambien is very strong. It makes you hallucinate – I was taking it for insomnia and I hallucinated children running around the apartment and a black woman speaking to me from behind my drapes.

  • mope

    I lost my virginity to a drunk woman on ambien lol

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