As I drive in front of your house for the final time, I remembered the very first time that moment happened. I didn’t know when to stop because your house wasn’t familiar and as I looked left and right trying to figure out where it was, you were on the sidewalk smiling. You tried to catch my attention as I was focused on the house numbers and suddenly, I wasn’t lost anymore.
We were never supposed to fall in love with each other, it was all a surprise. It felt like a series of confusion, until one day I had to admit I loved you. Way back when we started, there was a part of me that knew that I would lose myself to you. However, not a single part of me was scared.
We were such different people, we never met eye to eye, yet we were best friends. No one really understood you, but me. I was the one who figured you out even with all your silence.
You would always like mystery and super hero movies and I like chick flicks. I was always into adventures and surprises but you like being alone and quiet. But when we were together, it was such a beautiful mix of both, loud and relaxed, late night talks and rush hour drives, 90’s pop and jazz, mind museums and Christmas sales.
It was who we are and we never meant to change each other, but instead melt together until we were in our little bubble, in love and happy.
You said our timing was perfect and that it was me you needed all this time. You said that you dismissed the thought of life ever getting better but when I came along, you thought you were on your way to believing. You said that you never felt your soul so alive like this since forever. You said that you’ll be better and you’ll never get tired of loving me.
Funny how this isn’t so, because as I was slowly becoming like you, but you never really thought of becoming like me. As I kept breaking your walls, you kept building new ones. During those times I managed to create a small crack that reached upon you. However, you never stopped building them up that I couldn’t keep up no matter how much I wanted to.
I know that I was all that you wanted but many shadows filled your room, and so as I tried so very hard to fix it, you asked me not to. Now I know you’re so much better, even if you’re not completely fixed. Now you can face them without me, even if it would be easier if I gave you a lift. Now as I fall apart in every way, you can’t do the same as I did for you. Because you have your own battles to face too.
Now as I drive to your house for the last time, I stop right in front of your gate, not because you’re there on the sidewalk waiting for me, but because I knew exactly where it is.
I’m here to leave my heart at your door. Finally having the strength to say good-bye. Not because I don’t love you, my God I really do, but because you don’t need my love anymore.
Next time I drive these streets, I don’t need to stop then. But I will always feel you catching my attention, secretly believing that you can fall in love with me again.