So What If You’re In Your Twenties And No One Tells You That They Love You Daily

Brooke Cagle
Brooke Cagle

So you’re in your twenties and no one tells you they love you daily, except maybe your parents and your best friend. Life becomes this up and down cycle of new love interests – those that giveth and those that take away(th).

Maybe your love record is in a competition with Taylor Swifts reported list of ongoing exes, or maybe your list is more filled with “blank spaces”. I suppose for those of us who have these long list of exes can only refer to them as “exes”, because like most modern day boys and the relationships they have, they leave before they even claim their own title of “boyfriend.” Maybe some boys find a thrill on taking us out on various dates over several months to wake up one day and realise that cold feet is not always just a metaphor.

Maybe the people with the “blank space” relationship lists, are those of us who are tired of asking our friends in newfound relationships if their new ‘bae’ has any hot friends, or are tired of showing up to parties were your friends make little effort to introduce you to someone you haven’t yet met before.

Then there’s that lovely moment when your best friend has a new interest and all the weekend plans you had with them fly out the window and you start doing random things to try “better yourself” like hiking or swimming, these activities tend to last as long as your friends busy schedule does and you remain the same person, perhaps with a better Instagram page.

I would love to know what makes this era of men so undecided on entering a relationship, are we too strong willed or not strong willed enough? Does rewatching the entire Gossip Girl series not turn you on? Do you like to hit me up for several dates just to remind you why you don’t actually want to settle down? Either way, I have enough war stories of failed dates and relationships to tide me over until my thirties.

So eventually, you start looking for opportunities to meet new love interests
, “maybe there will be someone nice at the club tonight,” you say in hope before getting hit on by a man that has to use you as handrail in an attempt to stop swaying. Or maybe you give online dating a try, because you know someone via someone who is one year strong into their tinder match relationship. But, if you’re like me, after five failed Tinder attempts you begin to realise that the man that might bring you some daily comfort isn’t the one that’s swiping left or right on his phone, and you delete the app in an attempt to gain a new perspective. Maybe you’ll meet someone of interest at the gym, or doing a hobby you like (excluding the before mentioned hiking and swimming), but then maybe you’ll realise that his hobbies come first before you and if he met you in the gym, he can meet the other 500 potential love interests that go there too.

So you spend your Friday night watching reruns, or sipping wine and listening to Taylor Swift and Adele, but most importantly, you spend your Friday night doing something that might not make you a better person perhaps, but might just make you connect with yourself a little bit more. So when the next love interest leaves you high and dry after 6 frustrating weeks, you can fall back into your old routine and into your old self, because there was nothing wrong with her anyways.

So maybe you’re in your twenties and no one is telling you that they love you on the daily, but you are. Every single selfish second you spend with yourself, is another way for you to tell yourself that you love you. While that boy may have gotten cold feet after three romantic dates, most importantly, you never got cold feet about yourself. So what if you want to spend your Friday night sipping wine and microwaving popcorn? It’s a lot better than downing two bottles of wine and expecting a hook-up.

Take all your selfish moments to remind yourself, that you love you
, even if you have to neck a bottle of wine occasionally to get through it. There will always be more boys, not willing to commit, but there will never be another you to commit to. So you’re in your twenties, and you still have time to figure it all out, even if you have to do it alone

Tamsyn Halm, 22 years old.
History Postgraduate student from Stellenbosch University, South Africa.

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