When You Asked Me To Wait For You

woman sitting next to table with hands on cheek
Joshua Rawson-Harris / Unsplash

When you asked me to wait for you, my love, did you understand how devastating such a request would be? Asking me to accept our reduced relationship when we were once so happy together? Expecting me to withhold my feelings for you as I watched you from the sidelines, when we used to be at centre of each other’s lives?

I understand why you had to stop us where we were. I really do. I know that you had to sort yourself out, to find closure with your past that hurt you, before you can truly enter a relationship with me. Frankly, the fact that you were so serious about wanting to have a relationship with me only made me love you more. You promised to be back for me, and I agreed to wait, because I couldn’t imagine myself with anyone but you.

But you also promised that your feelings for me wouldn’t change. I could understand you asking to limit our interactions – the point of all this was to focus on ourselves and find ourselves again. But you also grew distant, even though we were supposed to be best friends – what we were before we almost became lovers. We used to share everything with each other, but now you’ve retreated and I don’t hear from you for days. Our conversations over text ended quickly in short answers. You reassured me that you still loved me – but only when I asked. You asked me to trust you, and I did. I still do. But who can blame a girl for having doubts when you, who supposedly has feelings for me, gave me no indication that they still exist?

I can’t figure you out at all – shouldn’t someone who is still in love with me be unable to hide their attraction towards me? Yet you who asked me to wait for you is acting like we never happened, as if I’m just another friend to you.

I cannot describe the relief I feel each time you asked me to hang out, each time you texted first, each time our conversations bordered near flirting. You may think that I’m overeager, but frankly I couldn’t care less. Any contact with you is far better than facing the uncertainty of our situation alone. But it’s also because of this torturous uncertainty that I am still waiting. I cling desperately to what we have now, in hopes it will become what we had before once more.

My love, I loved you then and I love you still. I will keep waiting, because you asked me to, and because it would kill me to do anything else but. But if you feel that you no longer want to wait for me, please don’t be cruel, and let me go. TC mark

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