Seemingly remarkable delights manifesting early in life, notably first loves and high-school romances, can come crashing down suddenly and vigorously if we don’t know ourselves well enough and the personal life that will ultimately engender happiness for the rest of our days as human beings with one realistically short life to live.
Early love tends to be ardent and wild, forceful and magnetic, it runs on the fuel of lust and is infused with swirls of continuous daydreams in the most raw and untouched places of our inexperienced hearts. Nothing feels more surreal, yet nothing is as potent. Yet, the inflamed passion that once devoured your gloriously naive heart can easily come crashing down once you discover that the person you once believed could be your everything is actually not an ideal match for a multitude of reasons.
Once the sobering logic has ample time to melt into your mind and the intense passion dissipates as the love hormones settle back to their resting state, you can see with clarity that kisses your well-being and hugs your best-interest that you didn’t get to the root of who you are without them. You didn’t get to the root of who they are without testosterone, oestrogen, adrenaline, dopamine and serotonin simultaneously bombarding and blinding you. You didn’t possess the integral free time and space to explore the deepest depths of who you want to be without the influence of another rubbing against your thoughts. After the love hormones subside, experiencing the tail end of novel, nascent infatuation means that you get to see who the other person is without wearing dark shades of love subterfuge.
If too young, it is likely that you will discover that you have committed a mistake of cataclysmic proportions, that the connection of seemingly exquisite degree you thought you had was weighted too much on the evolutionary forces of novel sex appeal and not enough on the long-term yearning for a passionate best-friendship with someone perfect for your personality and someone who inspires intoxicating lechery.
Given its rarity, this is not an easy task to locate and appreciate at any age, but accomplishing it before of legal age to drink is nearly impossible. This is why discovering a happy, till-death-do-you-part, high-school sweetheart marriage is similar to locating a four-leaf clover. Though, few high school couples will grasp the magnitude of this reality in its totality. While tasting youth on the lips of another is facile, staying content with yourself and your partner as your grow older certainly is not.
If how to navigate young love was taught in a classroom, you may very well would have been educated that you should never put your own life on hold for anyone you think you are in love with during the critical teenage years.
You would have learned how essential it is to grow, explore, discover and relish the journey to fully loving yourself before you love, respect and appreciate another. You would have been taught that the secret to lasting passion is to lastingly and passionately love every inch of who you are first.
We tend to search for “the one,” too early in our lives while “the one” really should be the person staring back at you in the mirror.
Loving yourself isn’t selfish, it is the most selfless act you could possibly take. For it is loving and respecting yourself without the influence of another that enables you to fully and completely give your entire being to another in time, to entirely love another as the best version of yourself. This is the only way to be happy in love until your last breath and the only way to maintain an everlastingly fulfilling relationship.
If love was a lesson taught to you from an early age, you might have fallen in love anyway. You might have told yourself, “But I am different, our love is different, we are strong, perfect, passionate, inseparable, we can and will defy the odds.” But odds are you wouldn’t no matter what you said or believed. Odds are you would have fallen apart with a sudden bang and calamitous clang, one that in the moment leaves you wondering how you will ever recover from your fractured confidence, shattered essence and pummeled core.
Odds are you will be left questioning how to pick up the pieces of emptiness caused by his (or her) necessary yet harrowing removal from your present and future existence. If teenage love was a lesson you could learn while still a teenager, you would have learned how to eradicate the blindness you didn’t know you had before you fell to pieces at an age far too young to endure that kind of anguish, but it never was taught and you never were granted the precocious insight to avoid young heartbreak.
This is what usually happens. That is the depressing version that ends up making you stronger. This is the depressing version that ends up not being sad at all in the long-run. This is the seemingly heart-wrenching outcome that ends up turning your life into a beautiful symphony of experiences, leading you to the person you are supposed to become with the person you are supposed to be with. This is the familiar struggle that abets the journey to achieving long-term appreciation, enduring delight.
If you do love so strongly, so young, the heartbreak will become the strife that makes you more capable of loving another with deep appreciation. The seemingly endless tears and sleepless nights will not be for naught. You will learn on your own rather than a classroom. Learning in the field is and will always be the most efficacious.
So, if young heartbreak has ever happened to you, remember you are far from alone. Young heartbreak is the most common way and often, the best way, as intense as the hurt can feel in the moment. Express the pain as much as you expressed the love and you can walk away knowing that you came out on the other side stronger and wiser, you came out more beautiful. For there is striking beauty in a life in which you have felt deeply, experienced and learned on your own.
A happy relationship is yours in time, a time in which you will be older and ready to bring to the table a person who is not entirely innocent, but one who is well aware of all of the glories and pains of life. You will be a person ready to love another with no shame while simultaneously loving the person staring back in the mirror.