The truth is.. he doesn’t miss you… and you don’t miss him. You miss how things used to be. You miss the person you fell for, before you even got to know who he was. You miss your joy, your sunshine, your home that you made from someone. You are wondering how to rebuild again. You opened the door too many times for a stranger. A stranger that is unfamiliar with the way your heart moves.
I know that you like to reflect on the good old days. The days where he used to text you good morning and good night faithfully, the sweet gestures he does from paying attention. You miss the attention and the feeling he gave you at the beginning. You miss the endless phone conversations, the warm hugs and even the pet peeves you have discussed on the third date. By the second date, you knew that you wanted him in your life. And he knew after more than a few interactions, he was interested in you too. You began designing a blueprint too soon in, not considering his thoughts, just going off of his actions. Somewhere down the line, things have changed. The structure began to crumble under adversity. And that is okay.
It’s okay to reminisce on actions that reflected on what used to be. It’s a comfort zone to be in, to hang on to hope, to feel nostalgic at the actions from those who loved us.
It’s not a healthy state to be in, as well. If you’re anything like I am, you tend to be nostalgic for days. You listen to the songs that reminds you of him, sort through photos and memorabilia of the dates you went on.
You miss the shelter he provided, the umbrella when it rained, the kitchen connoisseur, the sunlight in the morning. He was the structure, and you were the glue.
He misses the way that your voice would light up at the sounds of his. The way your ears would perk up at the thought (and smell of food). The way your body felt in his arms. The encouragement you sent when he had a bad day. The feeling of being wanted. At one point, you all was on the same page. One day, the door finally closed. He began to feel as if this home wasn’t the same one he entered in a long time ago. And so, he disappears. Not because of anything you have done intentionally, but he can no longer be the man of the house like you made him. He wasn’t ready for that responsibility, and you ignored the signs until it became blatant that love doesn’t live here anymore.
You both miss what used to be. And it’s important to know that it’s okay to let go of situations that does more harm than good. The constant arguments, the lack of support, the need to make a home out of someone other than yourself isn’t good at all. One by one, the honeymoon phases slipped and so did his intentions. You begin to nag. Your feelings and thoughts doesn’t matter anymore. He doesn’t provide you with the things you need, and you don’t have the energy to keep opening a door for temporary head of households. He is no longer interested in pretending to be in love.
You deserve nothing less than royalty. Save your tears that will turn into smiles for the small victories. Set small goals for yourself and be proud that today, you woke up a better person. The nostalgia will heal over time, and so will your heart. And one day, you will meet someone who makes you feel like the ground you walk on deserves to be worshipped.
You are the stone that the builder refused, but you can’t make a diamond without having pressure. . You are the mansion in the sky, the condo in Manhatten, the little apartment in the city that is tucked away with cute little knick nacks and décor. You are worth missing. You are home.