Hidden emotions. Since my mom and I didn’t have a close relationship, I couldn’t really express my true feelings. I bottled up a lot of emotions inside which hurt me mentally and socially.
She never really gave me the opportunity to voice my opinion and sometimes it was a little nerve-racking because of the response I would get in return.
It hinders me now because I still have a difficult time expressing how I feel. There are times where I feel disconnected from the world and times where I feel like no one will ever understand me.
Staying silent. Growing up I couldn’t express how I felt due to cultural limitations. My family is from the Islands so expressing yourself isn’t a normal thing. My mom never had the opportunity to speak up when she was little and unfortunately neither did I.
The most dangerous thing any person can do is to not speak up and stay silent. I did this for most of my teenage years and still do it now sometimes, but relying on just my friends for advice was not always the best idea. Those friends at the time were in the same place as me, still trying to figure things out about themselves and life in general.
I learned that remaining silent on certain matters does not only hurt me but the people involved. I withheld a lot of information from my mom — from boys I liked to hanging out with friends she didn’t know to having boyfriends she wasn’t aware of. I’ll admit I made some bad decisions but how else was I going to learn since she wasn’t there?
Bad decisions. When you fail to communicate, bad decisions usually follow. Communicating is the most important thing you can do with someone because you’re letting him or her into your world of thinking.
This was so hard for me to do, especially with my mom. We don’t have the same mindset or way of thinking so not being able to express things to her caused me to make some bad decisions.
Whether it was places I know I shouldn’t have gone to hanging out with the wrong crowd to trying things I honestly didn’t want to try, I never had that outlet to say, “Hey mom what do you think about this?”
I know for sure that would have prevented some mistakes I made that carried into adulthood. The important thing I learned is that finding other people to take that place to help you along the way whether it’s a mentor, friend, or relative is healthier than having no one at all.