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Fifty excruciatingly gross and cringeworthy videos of pimples and cysts being disgustingly popped. One is bad enough—can you take FIFTY?

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Can a simple pimple cause death? Theoretically it can—or at least it can lead to it.

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Embrace it. It’s natural…I think.

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Make mistakes, take chances and *cringe* dye your hair if you feel like it. Just live. Because life is too damn short. Just don’t ever pierce your tongue, no matter how cool you think it looks.

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But when we start to look at our bottle of Clearasil as half-full, rather than half-empty, there are plenty of unacknowledged, unrecognizable bonuses to rolling with your posse of pimples.

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Chimples joins an already impressive team here at My Face. He’ll be working alongside the Forehead Acne, doing a remarkable job despite an earlier setback this year when the owner of My Face tried to cover them by getting bangs.

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I realize wild banshee screaming and head-on attacks may be semi-inappropriate at this point, but that’s no excuse for my current “Oh hey Dad, didn’t see you there” attitude. Why do we all have to act like such nonchalant brats to the people who raised us?

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Kids ask me all the time what’s wrong with my face. Children lack social awareness, which makes them simultaneously horrible and awesome. Just when I want to turn around in my airplane seat and rip a kid’s feet off for kicking the back of my chair, he asks his mom in a loud voice why that old man is smelly.