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I know, I know, this isn’t 1988 (even if the hipsters are still dressing like it is), and Tommy’s been through the wringer in recent years. He got heat for jumping on Oprah’s couch (whatever, I like an unstable man), and every other Perez Hilton entry mentions his homosexual tendencies (bisexual men exist, people). But let’s get real here. Tom Cruise would be great in bed.