Congratulations on reaching this most exciting stage in your life! In the next several weeks/months you will be working on the most fascinating projects that we could not assign to existing employees. These projects often regard analyzing details that would be important if they were actually important to anyone within this company. Do you understand this logic?
“Here’s why I’m better than all your other candidates, make no mistake,” you write in your cover letter. “I’m highly relatable, am a great team player, and have a passion for sales and marketing. I’m the man for the job, sir.” This is where you actually have to leave the laptop, go to the kitchen sink and retch.