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If not, maybe Lynette Scavo’s neighbor Susan Mayer could star in American Horror Story: Teri Hatcher’s Face.

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3. She’s a big carnivore

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“F– me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?”

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Here are the 10 best romantic movies — from the French gem ‘Girl on the Bridge’ to various bodice-rippers to ‘Strictly Ballroom’ — available to watch right now.

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I want Natalie Imbruglia telling me that the sky is torn, Jewel telling me that I can’t break her hands, Courtney Love being the girl with the most cake, and Liz Phair stealing my lighter and losing the map.

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I remember wearing suspenders that had silver Michael Jackson gloves attached to them, and blasting Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” even though I was five years old and clueless about its meaning.

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Paris: Where you’ll never be as well-dressed as that random chain-smoking twelve year old.

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I’m still in the dark, so to speak, as to why I need to waste precious energy getting out of bed to turn my light on and off when the technology exists to get the job done in an efficient — and festive — manner.

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This couple was the teen dream. They were everyone’s idol, the true personification of young love! And you could just tell these two were in disgusting teen love with each other.

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We don’t condone shoplifting because it’s illegal, embarrassing, and so 2002. But if you’re really jonesing to channel your inner Winona, here are some tips you should follow to avoid being arrested and taken to Shame Spiral Jail.