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If not, maybe Lynette Scavo’s neighbor Susan Mayer could star in American Horror Story: Teri Hatcher’s Face.

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3. She’s a big carnivore

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“F– me gently with a chainsaw. Do I look like Mother Teresa?”

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Here are the 10 best romantic movies — from the French gem ‘Girl on the Bridge’ to various bodice-rippers to ‘Strictly Ballroom’ — available to watch right now.

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I want Natalie Imbruglia telling me that the sky is torn, Jewel telling me that I can’t break her hands, Courtney Love being the girl with the most cake, and Liz Phair stealing my lighter and losing the map.

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I remember wearing suspenders that had silver Michael Jackson gloves attached to them, and blasting Madonna’s “Like a Virgin” even though I was five years old and clueless about its meaning.

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Paris: Where you’ll never be as well-dressed as that random chain-smoking twelve year old.

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I’m still in the dark, so to speak, as to why I need to waste precious energy getting out of bed to turn my light on and off when the technology exists to get the job done in an efficient — and festive — manner.