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Hollywood was my (and many of my fellow gay dudes’) only outlet, mainly because it was the only way we knew anything about being gay, since we didn’t have any peers or real life examples (most of the time, everyone has that uncle).

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I’ve got drinks piling up on my desk and a stack of pills I have even opened yet!

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The girl is essentially there to feed the gay man’s narcissism and ego, which is already overflowing, and the gay guy will give her some form of male attention in return.

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You know what’s the # 1 thing closeted guys like to say after hooking up with gay dudes? “I’m straight!” That or they cry. I had one straight guy who literally began to sob after he orgasmed with me.

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A gay man’s life goes something like this: Sad Face, Frowny Face, Drunk Face, Sassy Face, Drama Face, Angry Face, Crying Face, Slutty Face, and Finally Fabulous Face.

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I have a sick obsession with Taryn Manning. If left untreated, the doctors told me I could develop a raspy voice and lose all of my talent. But I don’t pay attention to their warnings because my love for Taryn is real. Whether she’s playing a hooker in Hustle & Flow, a pregnant white trash chick in Crossroads, or a rich drunk nightmare in Crazy/Beautiful, she always manages to steal my heart.

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High school is not better. The Neanderthals all have deep voices, all the better to woo the ladies, and your queer little chortle hasn’t nudged a bit. You worry because you’ve got hair in all the right places and you’re taller than everyone else and, is this it? This is what you were waiting for?

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Being gay is super confusing. Just go on Craigslist and look at all the M4M ads that ask for a “straight-acting masculine dude.” Um, excuse me? If you want someone who’s straight maybe you should just roofie a frat boy. No one should feel ashamed for being femme and a certain kind of gay should not be favored over another.

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The Real World allows one gay person on per season so this could be your chance! But by agreeing to participate in the show, you acknowledge that you’ll have to be celibate the entire season and be denied any kind of identity other than The Gay Guy Who Isn’t Allowed To Hook-up Because America Isn’t Ready For It.

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How do you go from point Gay to point Monogamy? How do you navigate your way through a culture that reportedly doesn’t want relationships? They want Grindr, they want Craigslist, they want to be free.