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3. Tom Cruise’s “wife.”

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“Did you know that if you skinned Larry King & ironed out his leather, you could make enough coats to give 1 to every poor child in America?”

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But hey, let’s make lemonade out of lemons here: Amy Poehler is single!

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I, like most of you, greeted this news this morning with an actual sadness. These two people seemed so perfect together, so much like each other, and something I could understand.