“

the first time i had my earphones in.
i don’t think i got round to turning the music on.

“

Isn’t the whole idea of love a weird thing?

“

Some people can be judgmental. Wait for someone who doesn’t look down on you or make you feel silly for being a little weird.

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As a reminder, this list is not subjective. It is based on scientific law.

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The epitaph on his tombstone reads, “Here lies Kaspar Hauser, riddle of his time. His birth was unknown, his death mysterious.” Was he one of history’s greatest pranksters, or was he the victim of a tragic royal scandal?

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I’m not too sure why lollipops are banned in Washington state.

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Soften.

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“The gal who pissed and shit herself while screaming, ‘I’m pissing and shitting myself you motherfucking bitch!'”

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You know, I’d like to think I’m pretty open-minded when it comes to relationships and who people choose to spend their lives with, but I guess that maybe I’m a lot less tolerant than I thought.

“

Someone please buy this man a fourth grade textbook.