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The truth is, you are powerless to change how anyone in this world decides to act.

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Time is precious. It doesn’t offer reset buttons or do-overs.

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Trying to find an angle during sex that makes you look the least chunky/flat-chested/wobbly. You are who you are, and they are having sex with you because of it, not in spite of it. Own it.

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Reaching the regrettable phase of drunkenness in which the human body actively rejects all liquids which are not liquor, therefore ensuring that we will pass out about two sips into the liter of water we were trying to drink before passing out.