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“Gross! I stepped in puke!”

“That’s yours, don’t you remember?”

Ah… mistakes were made.

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You probably think I feel like I’m too good for you, that I’ve grow out of our relationship, and maybe you’re right.

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In the quest to invent strategies for becoming blindingly blitzed, no group excels quite like the young.

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Often pronounced “vokka shots,” this is undeniably the entry into the part of the night where things are getting just a little bit too awesome, and you might have to start screaming at the DJ to play a certain song.

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As hard as I’ve tried to ignore the words coming out of their mouths, it’s nearly impossible considering the rest of the aircraft is silent and I’m sitting right next to them. Besides, they’re hilarious, and far be it from me not to make fun of them.

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The first step to having a summer worthy of the femme Fitzgerald is to have endless free time because you never know when you will need to make an appearance at a backyard soiree or skip town for a three-day bender.

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Look, kids in the suburbs. I get it. There’s not a whole lot to do other than invent new ways to get messed up. I was a teenage “rebel” once. My sister and her friends used to pound Red Bull and have “hyper parties.” I had a guy friend who used to try and smoke banana peels. One time, I attempted to get drunk off my dad’s O’Douls.

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Opinionated and abrasive, you go out of your way to make sure your worldviews conflict with everyone else’s. If you do happen to agree with a point someone else makes, you will find some minute detail to disagree on. For some reason you hate vodka with a passion, but you do realize gin is essentially juniper-flavored vodka, right?

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Vodka has been my go-to Valentine for as long as we’ve known each other, but I make sure to treat it properly every day of the year, not just when it suits me. I don’t know if I’d be as romantic or idealistic as to say it was love at first swig, but we’ve definitely built a solid relationship throughout the years.

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There are many things about technology that I love, namely the ability to keep in touch with virtually everyone you’ve ever met. This, however, means that you have the ability to stay in touch with people that probably should be allowed to fade out of your life.