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“Ugly” people dish out the truth.

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Did you ever hang out with ugly girls so that you could feel pretty?

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God didn’t realize you were going to be a lesser person in advance and give you a tiny penis to identify you as such.

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Make sad Facebook updates and tag unflattering pictures of yourself drinking at your hometown bar knowing full well that your friends are going to be judging you. They’re going to be sitting in their grown up apartments with their grown up jobs and they’re going to feel flashes of pity go through their young professional work clothes for you.