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My brother, the felon, strolled into prison, kept his head held high, and inspired me with a few gems of wisdom along the way.

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In a theater ~10-12 min before the 8:40 p.m. showing of harrowing foreign film next to ambivalent date in awkward silence who resents you for having to read subtitles on a weeknight.

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I understand why someone would lie about cheating. I understand why someone would lie about doing drugs. That makes sense to me. There’s something substantial to cover up. But there seems to be no valid reason to lie about something like the price of a coffee drink other than to do it for the sake of lying, which is terrifying.

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Go to bars and get trapped into having a conversation with someone about their stupid job and their stupid hair and their stupid diet. Wonder if these things are actually coming out of their mouth. Their words are like bombs and they’re hitting you in the face.

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I love nothing more than when an Aryan princess figures out how to work her computer and decides to make a video in which she slanders an entire race! Starring tits and prejudice, this video contains some hilarious nuggets of wisdom, one of which being that Asians are co-dependent and spend their weekends cooking and doing laundry in harmony.

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The first few weeks are great. You’re getting to know each other and everything seems so fresh and fun. You even have a “roomie bonding” night, which involves drinking too many margaritas and talking about shitty ex-boyfriends. “I’m really glad this worked out,” You slur to her after ingesting the second pitcher. “I have to admit I was a little apprehensive that this could be like Single White Female, but I can tell it won’t be.”

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Right. And afterwards, this boy pawns her off on all of his friends and she sleeps with them, for no apparent reason. At one point, they even gangbang her and she’s somodized by a carrot. They give her the nickname, Chinatown.