“

I thought I was so paranoid of something bad happening to me that it never actually would.

“

“Come on, man. It’s just a game. So what’s the deal?”

“

Feeling nothing is just as horrible as feeling too much. 

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I’m letting my body rot because I don’t have enough energy to brush my hair or take a shower or answer my friends who keep asking me how I’ve been doing.

“

Paul was walking through the Japanese Suicide Forest when he found a body hanging in a tree. Instead of turning off his camera, he recorded it.

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You stare into the mirror. You look at yourself but you don’t feel like you’re looking at yourself. You can’t process the fact that the human in the mirror is you. You feel disconnected. Numb. You’re either feeling too much or nothing at all.

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I woke up with marks on my wrists. Two vertical, red slashes on each side. They were written with sharpie, but meant to look like self-harm scars.

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You could get eight hours of sleep and you’d still feel like you stayed up all night. You could do nothing all day long and still feel exhausted.

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If I laugh about how I have no friends and no family and no future, then people won’t pity me. They might not even realize that I am telling the truth. 

“

When the email pinged out across campus – sent to every student and professor with an .edu address, warning them to stay away from Central Campus, alerting them about an unnamed body, about a poor soul who jumped from the fifth floor, may God rest her soul – no one would have guessed it was me.