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You and your friend both know that she hasn’t worn actual pants since like 2004, so getting her another pair of her signature yoga/fitness/it-looks-like-I-worked-out-earlier-but-really-I’m-just-running-errands-all-day pants will surely be the most functional gift she receives this year.
Go to sleep too late. Wake up too early. Eat bagels in a strip mall with someone you had a class with at community college. Spend lunch breaks wandering grocery store aisles. Meet your mother at a diner. Attend “bar night” with some co-workers. Leave last. Smoke a cigarette. Paint your nails blue. Have sex right away or don’t have it at all.