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From avian flu to zombies, there is an apocalyptic scenario for every letter of the alphabet. But the really weird ones tend to be religious.

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Are you ready to tear the club up?

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Bald headed, barefoot, cooch exposed — whatever — in 1999 Britney Spears was everything. She may not be a powerhouse singer a la Adele or Jessie J., but she’s the one artist I actually want to hear remixed. Don’t even come out with an album of original songs — just get to the point and give us the remixes.

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Why would you pay a cover charge and buy expensive drinks in a place where you’re hearing songs you can easily get on the radio? So here are ten songs I always want to hear at the club.

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Last summer, someone told me that the world was going to end. It was the Rapture, we were all going to fry on this chosen day at the end of May. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust, we all fall down. In order to prepare for the inevitable end, I started to slowly dissolve into mush.

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In a year riddled with pre-election year politics, the death of two horrible men and the commencement of the Occupy movement, we need to take a look at the crucial moments we were able to survive together.

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Photographer Jon Gustafsson, who famously covered last year’s Eyjafjallajokull eruption – which stymied a good portion of Western European air traffic for days – recently recorded this amazing video of Iceland’s latest erupting pit of lava, Grímsvötn. Aside from the usual snark, I have no words. Video inside.

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Watching the video of the confused man, one almost expects him to get attacked by the group of people around him at one point, but instead he just gets laughed at, and I think this is very sad. If anyone should be prosecuted, it’s Harold Camping, who thought this whole mess up, and who was nowhere to be found on the day the world was supposed to end.

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I, for one, am kind of pissed the world didn’t end. Not because I’m suicidal or actually want everyone I know to die but because it would finally get everyone to shut up about their Doomsday scenarios.

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Those blessed with foresight and an healthy amount of paranoia have been awaiting the Rapture for years, and have prepared by accepting Jesus into their hearts. Jesus will reward this dedication by granting 200 million or so people some complimentary mineral water and a cushy spot in Heaven, while the rest of the 6.7 billion Jews and sodomites get left behind on Earth.