Mark even rang the bell today! How adorable! That will show Rooney Mara for rejecting him — bet she’s feeling pretty silly right now as ZuckZuck is wiping himself with gold bars and giving Fortune 500 companies the access codes to Zion.
Message your friend and tell them about the news you discovered on FB. Make it clear that your soul is dying and the Internet is to blame. Make your own Facebook status about how if The Game of Life were a popularity contest, you’d currently be the racist love child of Adolf Hitler and that douchebag who stole your grandma’s car.