There is a robot dinosaur asleep in my closet, with its eyes closed and a fine sheen of dust on its ridged back. I’m not even lying. I can hardly look at it because it makes me so sad.
I’m most intrigued by the vacation photos that people put up on the internet. Why you might ask? This is the photo album where you have the highest probability to see that person naked.
The third item I found was a necklace with a piece of bone on the end. It looked pretty entry-level. The crafter failed to describe where they got the bone from, which is a little concerning, seeing how they’re from Texas. Isn’t it like completely legal 92% of the time to kill people in Texas?
The Refrigerator Analyzer is a hand-held tablet that uses next-generation smart technology to analyze the contents of one’s refrigerator, level of hunger, and general state of emotions to suggest what possible meal — if any — could be produced from the contents of the user’s refrigerator…
And whether we’re a walking Adele song who can’t buy an avocado without breaking down in the produce aisle about your ex-boyfriend getting married, or in the throes of the honeymoon phase and constantly referencing how everything pales in comparison to the way your partner’s beautiful hair clogs the sink, we’re all guilty.
Whenever we take a break from the Internet, we expect there to be hours of things we need to catch up on. In reality, we’ve made our rounds in ten minutes. It’s always a disappointment. We always seem to forget that, at the end of the day, there’s not much to actually do on the Internet.
Berserk mode (n.): A state of near-mania characterized by extremely loud typing, audible mumbling, uncontrollable laughing while Gmail chatting, frantic, cyclical clicking of open windows and browser tabs, and a general state of hyper-non-productivity while maintaining the belief that one is being totally productive.
This month alone, Groupon has offered me deals on theater tickets, yoga classes, French food, and an electric toothbrush. Thanks, Groupon for reminding me of all the things I don’t have the time, money, or courage to do.