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I did not ask for sand all up in my ass crack. This is not the life I wanted.

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The first day it hits 40 degrees after a long, cold winter and you drive around with the windows down.

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Well, really, it’s already too late. I’m trying to warn you that summer is coming.

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It’s that time of year again – the time of year when you ask me if I’d like to go to the beach with you.

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Every day is Spring Break!

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“What’s your favorite thing about Montauk?”

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In the rainbow spray blown from the lip of a breaking wave, I can see the wind.

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I give up already.

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“SPF 2013” by Very Pale Featuring U.V. Rays

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I only know one joke.