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“You need to stop being so sensitive I did not mean f****t in a bad way I just mean you gay people have a lot of drama. I tried to understand this bi shit you claim to be but you teenagers make stuff up all the time. Youre young you will find a man. You can change. You used to be so clever.” ….Yikes.
After keeping something hidden for such a long time, even if it is something you love, it is hard to let it out into the open. It becomes habit and is comfortable, and the thought of making change becomes the thing you fear, rather than the thing you’re hiding.
Yet I’m oddly unworried, floating backward on this conveyer belt into what I’m told will be a “very loud” machine, an MRI for these headaches that plague me each day. The sounds are loud, unbelievably so, but I feel good, safe in a moment where all I can do is surrender to stillness, close my eyes and breathe.