“

Like Marilyn Monroe said: “a wise girl leaves her margarita before the leaves fall.”

“

Early 20s: SHOTS SHOT SHOTS SHA SHA SHA SHOT SHOTS SHOTS EVERYBODDDDDDY SH—
Late 20s: ….Shots?

“

Cheers to a new year!

“

I woke up in jail with cuts and bruises all over my face and charges of assaulting two police officers.

“

While everyone reacts differently to alcohol, this is written from various things I observed during my freshman year of college.

“

It’s offensive to reduce my sexual preference to something that’s been beaten into me by some fucked-up twist of fate.

“

I tested the residue of one of the capsules we had leftover. When I got those results, a knot settled into the pit of my stomach. “What have I done?” I asked myself.

“

No one. Zero. Nada.

“

If your date compliments something you have on, do not say, “Oh my ex-boyfriend bought it for me.”

“

Advil won’t touch your headache and no matter how many times you brush your teeth, you can’t mistake the smell of agave. You swear it off for good and you really mean it this time. For months, even the smell of limes makes you gag. But then…