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I’m not sure we can actually CALL this singing. Legally.

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Joanna Newsom is nice to listen to at 2 a.m. when you’re busy feeling things and want to freak out your roommate, but she’s not appropriate sex music. Her voice kind of sounds like your mom screaming at you to come inside for dinner or something. “RYAN! COME INSIDE AND EAT! THE FOOD IS GETTING COLD!”

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I have a sick obsession with Taryn Manning. If left untreated, the doctors told me I could develop a raspy voice and lose all of my talent. But I don’t pay attention to their warnings because my love for Taryn is real. Whether she’s playing a hooker in Hustle & Flow, a pregnant white trash chick in Crossroads, or a rich drunk nightmare in Crazy/Beautiful, she always manages to steal my heart.

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The Royal Wedding. What is it? Why is it here? Why is it taking up space on my favorite blogs? Here’s what I’ve been able to deduce so far from this whole shitshow of an event. Some balding British guy who peaked when he was 16 (#dark) is marrying a woman named Kate Middleton.