“

He lost his shoe in the process.

“

I was completely floored by this.

“

But unlike the Dartz Prombron, The Iron.Diamond is free. The catch, of course, is that you have to buy a bottle of RussoBaltique’s vodka, which retails at $740,000. The Iron.Diamond includes optional snake, crocodile, or elephant skin leather for the seats – rather than whale-penis leather – a camera system to aid with parking, and a free designer vibrator with purchase.

“

On the road, I thought to myself, oh shit I’m way too tired. Oh shit. I turned up the radio, opened the window. I made it ok to the parking lot and retrieved my wallet. To get home faster I pulled onto the highway. I was doing ok, I guess. Then I woke up to a loud smash; I had rear-ended an SUV. Shit shit shit I thought.