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The girls are not sober.

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“Male stripping isn’t much different from female stripping, minus a bleeding penis every 4 weeks.”

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I don’t pretend to represent mankind as a whole. 

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I’ll never forget when I walked out of the shower and my mom pointed and laughed saying “You’re getting hair down there!” As if it was somehow funny.

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I said the most logical thing I could muster: “I want to go to a strip club.”

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They were dancing to a cheesy song (and by dancing I mean grinding like they were being electrocuted slowly).

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Everyone started tossing money at the stage, but the dancer’s attention was on me.

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When someone asks me if I want to go to VIP, I want to give them a high five.

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Has anyone you know ever come into the club?

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I swear I could go to sleep cuddling my money.