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I want good sex, comfortable sex, exciting sex, and boring sex all with the same person. I want central air conditioning and a dog. I want a backyard and laundry inside my house. I want nice weather, no snow, no rain boots. I want to stop measuring success based on the amount that’s on my paycheck.

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You see a therapist? You must be Woody Allen. You must be a navel-gazing lunatic. You must be an unbearable human being.

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Between flash drives and the simple option of clicking “file,” followed by “save,” there are very few reasonable excuses for losing a file.

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If everyone in the world got down with their bad self just once a week, we would have no wars. Fact.

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I am looking at you. Your furrowed eyebrows, your intent on your task, your dedication to working and to a lightened screen when the sun shines in from the outside through a window advertising chai lattes and I have one ringing, piercing thought: Let’s run away.

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But it’s clearly possible for some people to take on this “que sera sera” attitude about life and all of the things that they have to wait for. There are those who actually come to enjoy delayed gratification, and maybe even catch a small buzz off of the anticipation.

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The point is you didn’t commit to change because this city would make you the woman you wanted to be. You knew the woman you were. You know the woman you demanded yourself to become, and she belonged in New York.

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To know evolution is to know the story of life on earth, and to know the scientific story of life is to feel connected to the world as you never have before.

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When you think of all the things you have to do at once, you’re bound to crumble. Everything seems impossible when viewed in the bigger picture. Instead, you need to process things bit by bit. Write down each thing you need to accomplish for the day and give yourself a reasonable amount of time to do them.

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We need to just chill out about New Year’s Eve. We should just wait until the day of and then just go to whatever plan sounds the easiest to execute. Our world is not going to end if we have a bad night. We won’t be doomed to celibacy for an entire year or get hit by a train.