I Need More Gay Friends

Whenever I see gay men hanging out in packs, I immediately feel jealous and insecure. How did these guys all meet each other? Was there a secret meet and greet in the beginning of the year that I didn’t know about?

A Gay Man Goes To A Straight Strip Club

Honestly, I have never thought of pole dancing as an activity that required any skill but I was wrong. These girls were truly athletic and knew what they were doing on that thing. It should be an Olympic sport. I’m not even kidding.

Gay Men And Straight Men: A Complicated Love Story

Throughout my life, I’ve been friends with straight dudes who have treated me like a novelty. It’s clear that I’m there to be the gay friend who makes them feel better about themselves for being so open-minded. “See? I hang out with gay dudes because I think they’re cool. I’m very progressive!”

Straight Sex, As Imagined By A Gay Guy

Look, I’ll be real with you: I have no idea what straight sex is like. The closest I’ve ever gotten to a vagina is my mom’s and that was 25 years ago. I imagine it to be a lot of unflattering facial expressions though. I mean, am I wrong? Tell me!

10 Signs That Your Boyfriend Is Seriously Gay

He has feelings. When you’re upset about something, he actually has the audacity to ask if you’re okay. Between sobs, you want to tell him that it’s not his job to care. He’s required to be incredulous about your emotions 24/7. There’s supposed to be comic misunderstandings, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, etc.

Things I’ve Learned About Lesbians From Watching The L Word

It’s been rumored that certain lesbians have tried to escape West Hollywood, only to mysteriously disappear. Most don’t even think to try it because the second they leave their incestuous pool of lesbian friends, they start to melt and become disoriented. “Does Santa Monica have a lesbian coffee shop? I must have my coffee made by a lesbian…”

Straight Dudes: How Not To Hit On Girls

They’ll slink up to the bar with their gelled hair, baggy button downs and jeans, and actually say the kind of pick up lines you’ll hear in a bad romantic comedy. I’ll watch a grown-ass man be reduced to mush when presented with the mere possibility of having sex.